Monday, March 31, 2008

The Craziness of The Ritual Cafe....

Captured by the wonderful Linda Shepley, owner of The Ritual Cafe....

Just an fyi....we were sober...and in the mood for a lot of cussing....


From Crackle: Mar 30 2008 - VID00003

Love is everywhere

A good friend of mine was telling me once how when she was going through a hard time in her life that she started to find things, particularily rocks, that had heart shapes in them and that they reminded her of love in the world and that she was loved.

Interestingly enough, I have started to notice things that have heart shapes in them and it reminds me of her, which reminds me of what she said, which reminds me that I am loved.

Here is the one I found today as I was walking home in the middle of a thunder storm (ah, more like running home). It is in the stump of a tree and seems a rather fitting place to me.

Xxm


Just finished my first weekend of shows and I gotta tell you, it felt good to sing. It felt good to get reconnected with my best friend and lay it all out in song, doing what I love doing the most.

I asked the universe to bring me healing moments and healers. I had my chakras realigned and calmed, I had my back adjusted and today I get my vibrations worked on. My heart was stroked, people loved on me and a beautiful highlight was being at Lee Lee's yesterday and listening to a room full of people sing 'hallelujah' back to me. It lifted my soul to new places.

I feel very blessed.

And Thursday....I just got invited to go be a part of the Oprah show as part of the audience 'with questions' for Echart Tolle, the author of 'A New Earth'. I have to work on defining my question a little more susincctly (sp?) from 'what the fuck?'.

I am getting a new tattoo because of that book. It will say:

'this, too, will pass'

Xxm

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The mighty Mississippi

The ultimate prank?

So I am driving out of Des Moines, Iowa, after a fun night spent with good good people over there. My chakras are all feeling good and safe again and I am laughing hard at an image my friend Linda left in my brain. She was saying that she thought the ultimate prank was when someone had fallen asleep in the car, to pull up in front of a tree, with your lights on and scream at the top of your lungs. Thereby waking the passenger up into that moment!!

I KNOW, I KNOW....it sounds horrible but I can't help but laugh outloud at the thought of it....would never do it of course...but.

Love those bloody Iowans, can't wait to see you again.


Xxm

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Iowa

And!!!

Then you too can ride the covered pony wagon.....

The toilets

Just over the border into Iowa is the Mississippi market place. If you ever stop there, go into the toilets. They make you want to be cute and have dimples and stuff.

And

This is my view as I listen to the aforementioned Shazza tell me about the wisconian glacial outwash. You know, its a lot of fun touring with a geologist...who knew. Xxm

So...

My mini moratorium on not posting is hereby only in effect for posting anything too serious.

I am driving to Iowa and at the last minute my mate Sharon, or shazza, as I have taken to calling her, decided that she had to come with me to keep me company. Thank god for friends who know what you need when you don't.

Anyway, we just stopped at the aforementioned loves has station and tried on cowboy hats, this is the one Sharon bought....and she even took out her tooth for effect. Now she is looking for a smoke....

Such a good name

For a gas station....

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Turn the page...a new story begins


And in between times, this is where I speak of, isn't it beautiful? Don't you want to be there too?

A picture to look on for the next week.

Thanks Jem, love ya mate

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Break..

Folks...I am going to take a break from blogging for a week or so. I need to give myself some time to be out off touch, off the radar, unexposed. I know I have a new cd coming out and this should be an exciting time, but I need some time for my heart to find it's healing.

Thanks for being around and for sharing along the way. See you soon

xxM

A New Earth....

I have been putting together press packs for my new cd this afternoon and rehearsing for my shows, after walking for almost 3 hours this morning. My body is stiff and tired and well..actually, that is how all of me feels. I just sat down to read some more of A New Earth by Echart Tolle and I can't tell you how pivotal reading this book is going to be for me. I have been meaning to pick it up for two weeks now and yet, it was only last night that I actually did. And it was PERFECT TIMING...when I am trying to understand the concept of timing.

I wanted to share this part with you (which is a new part from before..it rang truer for me!)...and I am sorry in advance, but I am probably going to do this a lot over the next week. Infact, we should start an online book club of our own....tell me the things you love about the book etc.

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment."

Part of me wants to say FUCK YOU...the other part of me knows this to be true.

So...back to walking

Or

One can stand in the middle and play chicken with fate.

Life is so complicated huh? I close my eyes and remember the warm sun and the white beaches of dunsborough and I wish for a moment to be back there. Immersed in that water. Surrounded by the peace of then.

And then I click my heals three times and open my eyes.

I have a new exercise plan that is going to revolutionize the world.

Its particularily good for those of us that are carrying a broken heart or a wound we don't know what to do with.

Here it is, ready?

When you wake up crying in the morning, don't lay there and think about it. Put your clothes on and walk. Walk until there is nothing left in there. Walk till you find your resolve, again. Walk until the day comes when you actually just wake up in the morning and think about coffee or food or someone else.

Just walk....

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

So, I just stole this Chinese Proverb from Ember Swifts website..and she stole it from Lyndell Montgomery..and I KNOW Lyndell won't mind me stealing it for myself.

It actually just spoke to me in a beautiful way......

"Keep a green tree in your heart and
perhaps a singing bird will come."








And now for something....funny.

KC - a regular message leaver on this blog - just emailed me this video and reminded me that it's a lot like love...

"Charlie bit my finger, AGAIN" .... "that really hurt charlie....and it is still hurting"

First time I have laughed all day.....

Monday, March 24, 2008

my karma...



I think you may be my Karma.

For every bad word I have ever said, for every unkind deed I have ever done. I think you may be the event that will cause me to beg forgiveness of everyone I have ever wronged. For every heart I have broken. I think you may be the memory that will come to my mind whenever I feel that I want to slight someone, whenever I forget to choose compassion, whenever I want to act out of my ego instead of out of love or respect for some one else and their heart.

I think this because my brain has no other way of understanding it. Of putting this down. Of understanding the reasons for it all. And I think I put all this here to mark this time for myself. In my quest to be exposed, to shine a light on my shit so that I will remember and so that we may feel less alone in our journeys. Remember past the bloody pulp of my heart.

I don't want to forget this because I want it to help me to remember to choose compassion, to choose love, to choose honesty. To choose these things first, knowing that it is a reflection of my greater being, of the self I want to be in this world.

To remember that this is who I choose to be.

So, I have held you in my arms, I have given you my heart, my body, my spirit. I have shared my wisdom and the story of who I am. I have wiped tears from your eyes and caused you to laugh outloud. I have brought you joy, I have inspired you, I have given you pleasure. I have made you feel alive. I have wanted you. I have broken your heart. I have chosen to believe in the best of you. I had chosen to stand before you openly and honestly with no remnant of my past to hold me down and away from you.

I have chosen to love you.

And now I lay it all down.

one more chance

you gave it
you took it
and then
you gave it again
only to take it away
back to where we began
each moment i am wiser
each moment i feel stupid
each moment i am wishing
that the moment before
never even existed

when i breathe in
it hurts my soul
when i breathe out
it takes it’s toll

and
i
am
crushed
under
the weight
of
you

holding my head high
caressing my own hand
while i cry
knowing
you and yours
dont match
that the schiz-in-noid
is you
this back and forth
that you do
is fucked and incomplete
filled
with such deceipt
that it turns
me inside out
makes me question
all my doubts

and yet still..

if i had
just one more
chance
i would hold
my head high
caress my own hand
while i cry
because this is you
and nothing
i can say
and nothing
i can do
will ever
change
that

tired. weary. soul

i only just loved her
and then
had
to let her go
it wasn't
so much a choice
as it was a gift
to my tired. weary. soul

my feet
on this path
on this quiet
dusty road
her feet
somewhere else
somewhere
she didn't beckon
(or call
or even ask
for me
to go )

i said
that i would lay
i said
that i would fall
i said
that i would give
give
my all

for just
one chance
one chance
to see
me
loving her
her
loving me

but.....(and you knew it was coming)

it seems

her voice
is not mine
to hear
her heart
is not mine
to have near
and this
was not
so much
my choice
and this
was not
so much
my goal

but now

i give i give i give
i give
this gift
to my
tired. weary.
soul.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The day

Of great sad..

Umm

See.....an Easter smile for my family.

Lol...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Sometimes....

I am slayed
by thoughts
of you

The illusive snow koala.....


Crickey mates, the illusive snow koala was last seen in Brookfield, IL munching on some local produce. LOOK AT THE EYES ON IT. You don't want to get too close because it's claws will take you out. This one looks remarkably friendly given that we disturbed it in the middle of it's eating cycle.

It might be true that I am starving for fun right now, but seriously, getting snow thing making lessons today was a big old pile of fun. WHO KNEW you just had to roll it. Dumb Aussie that I am.
















Me and my new mate......we are going to spend the day hanging out together.
xxM

Addendum to The Ms Wolf post....

So...I laughed my ass off this morning when my great mate Julie Wolf rang me to tell me that the aforementioned photo of Ms Wolf ISN'T a photo of the Julie Wolf...it's a photo of the Kate Wolf - who is also a great mate of mine and Julie's identical twin. Julie had taken it of Kate and sent it to me.....still laughing.

Here is a photo of the Julie....as in Wolf.


Ms Wolf

This is my great mate Julie Wolf, she sends me these photos to make me laugh outloud at her and it always helps me remember that most of life is not anywhere near as serious as we think it needs to be. She is one of the wisest people I know right now (and she would probably be embarrassed by all of this)....so gracious and kind and unbelievably talented and I miss her like mad.

She is the voice in my ear right now that reminds me of my strength, of my passion, of the great things I have to offer and of my ability to pick myself up, brush myself off and move on. She reminds me of my heart and of the depth of my soul. She reminds me that there are no mistakes and that everything provides us with an opportunity to learn, laugh, love and forgive more. She reminds me to breathe. She reminds me to not be a drama queen or play games but to know my truth and to stand in it proudly and unashamedly. She reminds me to stand up occasionally and yell, 'kiss my puckered poo hole'. She listens to my words and my stories closely and holds me accountable to my truth. She questions my words and kicks my ass with one hand and pats my soul with the other. She makes me laugh damn hard. She brings great healing to me in a time when I need it and shares herself so that I might learn from her story and her experience. She reminds me of some things I didn't even know about myself. And right now, she reminds me of all these things every day until the day comes when I don't need to be reminded and can remember for myself.

I have known her 10 years this year and she is truely one of my great friends.

And she likes vegemite.

And she makes a damn good fried egg sandwich.

And my heart misses her bad right now.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Kangaroos In The Snow


I know...it's probably hard to tell in this photo, but here is my first ever 'kangaroo snow thing'.

I am very excited...I can't even tell you.

I FUCKING LOVE SNOW....!!

Although, I am trying to learn how to bend down to pick it up without it falling into my butt crack and making my ass really cold. I know, you would think I would wear higher pants. But I digress....

If you were to drive anywhere near Brookfield, IL right now...you would see a crazy red haired Australian joyfully running through the snow and trying to learn how to build things in it.

I think I need some lessons in snow person making...any takers?




See.....happy Australian...frolicking in the snow, making strange looking kangaroos.

Love it!!!

xxM

The view from here

I woke up this morning and this is what I saw.

This is the pretty much the first time since I have been here when it has snowed what I call 'fun' snow. You know, snow you actually go and roll around in. Mind you, I am still sitting on the couch looking out at the pretty thru my window. But WOW, its pretty.

I have to go build something and my friends here are very happy that the snow blower seems like a fun thing for me to do.

Woohoo.....I get to go outside and blow snow!!

Xxm

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Thought For The Day

A very very kind and beautiful buddhist leaning friend just emailed this to me:

"..no experience is to be wasted or forgotten, but all should be transformed into a source of wisdom and compassionate living."

This is my wish for myself. I want to be open to the world and to fully experiencing it. Being fully present along the way. Which of course means being open to fully feeling it as well....the icky stuff as well as the fuckin excellent stuff and everything in between. I am exhausted by trying to learn how to be fully present....and it can hurt like a motherfucker, but I know it will get easier as I practise it more. That I will learn where to put my energy, and where not to. And I will learn to walk on faster...

None of us adults are victims in our lives. We make choices. We can choose to take the hard stuff and not become bitter about it, to leave our hearts open to the world and use it as a way to become wiser and have deeper compassion and humility. Or we can choose not to. It's that simple...

These are the thoughts that fill my 'coffee filled-building a new website-getting excited to go on tour-looking for a car to buy' brain....is there anything in there for you I wonder?

Martine

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Okay?

Does this seem wrong to anyone else but me?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Hmm

'See the world before you leave it'?

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Signs....

I have been writing a new song for the past 5 hours. It's late at night and my friend Patti just got up to go to work (woohoo fedex). I am excited to be getting back in touch with the part of me that likes to write at night, that I have the space around me to be able to do it. (looking at the electric guitar in the corner, wondering if I have THAT much space around me...hmm). Anyway, been doing that in between talking to one of my best mates on the West Coast who was driving home after a gig and was happy to 'shoot the shit' with me while I kept her awake on her drive.

After talking with her I started to stick notes up on my wall....I am a big believer in putting notes up to remind myself of things...and I don't just mean buying milk kinda things. I mean really big things that I forget about myself and could do with remembering again. Infact, years ago I had a great therapist who told me to put notes like that in the loo, because it was the one place you would most likely be more than once a day....

Around my space right now I have these signs:

NO APOLOGIES

NO PERMISSION NEEDED

BE WHO YOU ARE

SPEAK MY TRUTH
(no one else's required)

CELEBRATE WHO I AM
(no contorting into smaller pieces of yourself to make others feel better)

I feel strangely relieved to read those things. To remember. To feel my heart be really happy to remember them. So, what signs would you put up around your space? Or what signs DO you have up now? Feel like sharing? I would like to hear.

xxM

Joe Apology

http://joeapology.blogspot.com/

crazy..we are all the same in so many places

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Lessons in Midwest living

So, this is my first time playing footy. Every one looked at this photo and told me to put it up because 'I looked professional'. Hmm. Good for me. Maybe once I am done with music?

I am told

Dinkels is one of the best bakeries for breaky in this part of Chicago. Here we go.....trying.

The closet

So, THIS is what it looks like?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The view

In Brookfield, I'll.

Me.....walking

Every Day is A Winding Road....



Who knew that Sheryl Crowe could teach me something, or at least, remind me of something today.

I keep having these massive realizations that at every moment, things can change. That we really are masters of our own destiny and that attitude and outlook can really make or break a day. That our brains hold great power when it comes to determining our day.

Like today, I really do just want to sit on the couch (again) and watch movies and not really have to think or interact with the world at all. Secretly hoping that will make it all go away and that I will wake up tomorrow and my world will once again have the peace that it once had. There is something to be said for unconscious living (okay, I don't REALLY mean that but..).

So, I picked up my guitar and sang a song and my own vulnerability almost made me cry. I hear this new thing in my voice, in my songs. I remember listenening to Damien Rice sing and I can feel everything from the sound of his voice..his anger, his pain, his dream, his soul... and I wondered to the universe at one point what I would have to do to get that same emotion in my voice. How to be so connected with it that you couldn't hide it, that it fell out of you.

Now enter into my mind the phrase 'be careful what you wish for'.

So now, enter my wonderfully powerful brain, that will move me from my slumber, get me dressed, put some cute clothes on and take my ass into chicago to hang out with friends and go to the opening of some flamboyantly beautiful photography exhibition and then 'out on the town' afterwards (as they put it).

And...I will choose to breath.

xxM

Friday, March 14, 2008

And....

Today we paint....! Helping my friend Patti paint the house.....I know, sexy home depot hat but you try getting paint out of this hair!!

Celebrating with mates at the local Irish pub tonight (oye K come!! You know where, 7pm!). Of course anyone else ion the area who knows where I am speaking of us welcome to come too!

Its time to celebrate.....celebrate the cd, celebrate life. Celebrate St Pats!

Xxm

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Today

I run. I run for my body. I run for my mind. I run because it feels good. I run because all my bits jiggle when I do it and that feels good.

And when I run.....

This is the view:

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I Walked.....

Today, I got my sore, tired and sad body off the couch and just decided that my life is bigger than the sum of these experiences lately. (Of course, this was started because a very sweet and loving friend kicked me in the ass first..in that sweet and loving way that only close friends can do. You know...validate, commiserate, and then KICK.)

And I walked.

I walked until I stopped crying, I walked until I could smile, I walked until I could see some beauty in the things around me, I walked until I found my resolve..the thing that has brought me from one country to another, the thing that has kept me going on a path that isn't always easy, the thing that has made me committed to staying open to the world and the experiences it brings despite having a heart that is confused and in pain because of someone elses actions and words. I walked until I found my strength. I walked until I could be proud of who I am and what I have done and my actions and words in return. I walked until the smell was off my body. I walked until my feet hurt and the pain in my body was taken away by my feet hurting.

And tomorrow....I will do it again.

And the next day....again.

Until the day comes when that pain is gone and I just know and believe these things, and don't have to walk anymore. (unless of course I actually want t0).

Here's the strange thing....everyone I passed on my walk, and I mean EVERYONE...looked up at me, straight in the eye and said hello. We are not as alone as we think we are people...we aren't. If only we can pull our gaze above long enough to look around.

xxm

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I have....

I have but a broken heart
Send me your salve
So that I may stroke it on my wound
and whisper pretty thoughts into it's ear.

I have but a broken heart
Send me the story of your journey
So that someday...maybe
It will make mine lighter

I have but a broken heart
I should have seen it coming
But like a fool...ignored
The voice that screamed in my head

I have but a broken heart
So, send me your salve
So that I may sing
And in turn,
lighten the anguish
and the pain of yours

Chikizie

Okay, have barely watched american idol but this dude just sang the most beautiful version of 'she's a woman' and it took my breath away. I love it and it reminded me of the all out there nature of music.

Xxm

Saturday, March 8, 2008

It's.....

SNOWING!!!

Assume....

I have had so many beautiful pearls of wisdom offered to me over the past few months. Like, life changing pearls....some of which have even come from here, from you. I am so grateful for the out pouring of wisdom, the sense of community that can be found in a 'yeah, I've been there and this is what I did moment'.

'Assume everyone is doing their best'

Is the latest pearl that has been offered to me. I feel like it has changed a whole pile for me (btw. I think we Australian's use the word 'pile' when we can't think of another word for a lot of things all together).

If I can assume that someone is doing their best in a given situation it seems to take a lot of the angst out of that situation for me. It takes out my over expectation and my anger or disappointment....it removes any 'heat' I might be feeling towards that someone in that moment. And in fact, I have found that it allows my head to be a little clearer so I can work out my response better.

It is indeed a miracle cure I believe.

Try it perhaps? See if it works for you....

Martine

Who is laying in her nice comfy bed, first night in Chicago and unable to sleep!! I think it might be because I sense it could be snowing outside (as if I would actually know) and it could mean that I get to make my first ever snow person tomorrow and perhaps I am too excited to sleep.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Leap and the net will appear.

My friend Kimberley just text that phrase to me, to remind me. I am sitting at Oakland airport about to board my plane. Hearing snow reports from friends that might not be able to make it to see me and feeling a mix of sadness and fear and vomitus maximus.

I stood and looked at the ticket counter for 10 minutes this morning, telling myself I didn't have to do this if I didn't way to, but you know, my adventurer got the better of me. What's that Aussie advertising slogan...'You'll never never know, if you never never go'.

So here I leap, and choosing to believe for the net.

Xxm

Thursday, March 6, 2008

One More Sleep....

I am sitting here in Emeryville at my mate Julie's house. A bad movie is playing on the tv and I am waiting for my mate Kimberley to come over for dinner. I have been living out of a suitcase for the past 4 months and tomorrow I head to Chicago..where I finally get to unpack. I am kinda nervous...not so much excited yet, but hoping that will come. SF has been my home for the last 8 years and now it's time to try somewhere else.

You know when you on the verge of carrying out a major decision...and you have moments where you are questioning it and wondering about your choice and what truely led you there? Do you have those moments...? Or is it just me?

Well...I am reminding myself that there is no bad choice...that there is no mistake...that I can change my mind at any time. I see too though that have let some of my decision be clouded by desire....but is that a bad thing? I don't know...I just know I am looking forward to unpacking.

My business brain tells me it's a great decision, my heart is scared and unsure of what I have gotten into, my adventurers soul is up for the challenge, my 10 year old inside girlie is freaking out, my songwriter is putting it all on paper and my (non existant) zen buddhist person is breathing.

So..here we go mates. A new adventure. Stepping out into the unknown, with no clues about the outcome. Say a prayer, light a candle, send a thought, leave a light on for me....

Martine

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

For you....and me

If her quiet, quiet heart
Was a quiet, quiet place
There would be a quiet smile
Upon her quiet, quiet face.

And if her quiet, quiet heart
Knew that quiet, quiet peace
She'd be filled with quiet joy
As her worries quietly ceased.

?

So, the slightly demented part of me looks at this sign and wonders if this dude on this sign is actually vomitting? That's usually the only time I stand like that.....

Or do they really expect us to bend over and watch the gap? Sometimes I realise that the literal part of me wouldn't do well, if I let her out of the house that is....

So.....

i know...

I know people are worried. Thanks for the shout outs, the calls, the emails, the thoughts. I am really stoked to see how many people from around the world, people who I don't always get to see, reach out. Thank you. This is a huge transition time, both physically and emotionally, and sometimes I can be a baby about it all. Mostly, I am learning how to be honest, how to just 'put it out there' in the hope that it makes the distance between me, and you, a little smaller...and somehow we all find encouragement and strength to keep going and make our worlds a better place to be.

I am certain this is just a moment in time...and that this moment will pass. I am just not certain how it will look on the other end...but then, that's faith really isn't it?

All is well.

Thank you....

xxM

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Seasons....



Just like life I suppose, change.

Leaves fall off, new ones grow, fall off, grow....you know the drill. I do like to think about trees, the firmly rooted in the ground, kind. The wisdom that each one holds, the way each are completely different. The way they seem to exist next to each other, sometimes supporting. Of course though, there are times when the roots go bad and you just gotta pull the fuckers out of the ground before they kill someone.

Ahh yes, much like life.

Lol

Xxm

More street art

I am loving the art I get to find on the sidewalk. Oneday I might put them all in a book together.

Although, I would have to title this one 'whatever her name is with whatever that is going up her nose'. I know, bad that I forget her name, my friend Mayra would spank me for it.

I will blame it on the massage I just had, made me a bear of very little brain.

Xxm

Power....

I think that I am going to push into reading and being a part of the online thing that Oprah is doing with Eckhart Tolle on his new book 'A New Earth'. I think I need to do it. I am waiting for the book to come but know it's all about changing your consciousness, about taking yourself out of ego and into a sense of connectedness with the world. I know, it sounds a little fru fru when I say it like that, but I get the idea...it's all about ego and power and the journey we go on when we live too much in at least one of those areas.

Because I am realizing how much of my power I give away. If you were to open my journal right now you would see a page with the words I TAKE BACK MY POWER in huge letters.

I am a pretty easy going person by nature, generally happy to 'go with the flow'...but I am starting to realize that it's not always a good thing to be. That I end up doing and being in situations that I don't really want to be in and unsure of how to get out of it. I also think the universe is putting me into situations where I am just not happy to go with the flow anymore and therefore it's forcing me to ask why and what.

Why am I here and what do I have to do to change it.

Although, I said to someone today that I feel like a little kid who has just had her toy taken away from her....sitting on the floor, kicking and screaming. Because it's not an easy lesson to learn. It's scarey and strange and uncomfortable, and every day I have to remind myself to breath, to pat the small child inside me and tell her that she is safe and that I am not going to put her in situations that are going to harm her...and then I have to be prepared to just walk away. To know that I will find a love, or a place, that is right for me. On the other hand, I have to keep myself 'there' until I know it's the wrong place to be and not just run away from it because it's easier than staying to work it out. Does that make sense?

Lets see what songs come out through all of this huh? I feel a songwriting burst about to happen, the build up in my bones. It's sitting on the edge of my tongue, waiting for me to carve the time out of my life and heartache to let it fall. This cd isn't even out yet and I know I will need to honor the songs on it before I can fully break out the ones to come.

xxM

Monday, March 3, 2008

Thought For The Day

Moments are just moments...
And moments pass....

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Do you?

Ever have those moments when you just get scared?

Scared that you're not going to be able to work it all out? Scared that you are going to fail? Scared that you are making the wrong choice? Scared that you are making the right choice? Scared of spiders or hairy crawly things that might walk across you when you sleep? Scared that you won't earn enough money? Scared that you have been following one path for a while, believing that it was the one thing you should be doing with your life and then suddenly because you haven't got all these things worked out, that perhaps you were wrong? Are you ever scared that you are wrong?

Do you ever just wake up in the middle of the night and find your heart thumping in your chest and your hands a little sweaty? Scared that someone is going to break your heart? Scared that things are just unclear or uncertain or uncomfortable? Are you ever scared of transition, of transformation of transmogrification? Are you ever scared that you don't know what that means?

Are you ever 'just' scared?

And when you are, what do you do?

Saturday, March 1, 2008

The first....

This is my little mate, Oliver's, first little league baseball (t ball) game.....oh, and mine. We are bonding over it...they are so damn cute running around the field not always fully sure which direction to run in. Glad to see its not just me.

Although, it was a little confusing for me when everyone on the field turned and faced towards the bleechers, where I was standing by myself at the time, hands on their hearts. I realised that they were pledging allegiance to the flag directly behind my head. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Xxm