Fire in the sky

Novato, CA

NYE part 208

I am laying in the middle of Dolores Park, soaking up the sun while its here, waiting for friends to come get me for our NYE celebrations. Just spent the last two hours writing out my intentions for 2008, wanting to be really clear......with myself and the universe. Have also been writing out my list of what I want to leave behind with 2007. I know there are things I don't want to repeat, that I am desperate to leave behind. And in the midst of writing my lists, I also found other things that I needed to be willing to give up. Things that don't serve me or feel good to my person or my intentions in this world. And then I am going to burn them all!!!

My friend Rachel just declared that this is what it feels like to grow up......hmm. Whoopie for growing up then.

Oh, and I would like to say, that I have almost lost my voice, literally. Got a cold but I also feel like its my body and spirit telling me something......either to shut up, or to take my voice back.

Jesus Christ this is a deep blog....back to fun things real soon.

Xxm

The view from here

My recipe for today? Woke up way too early, crashed on the couch in my jammies watching tv. Drank mimosas, ate crepes and really good bacon with new, very funny, friends. And then did a 6 mile uphill hike with amazing views that took my breath away (literally and figuratively). This is San Francisco bay at sunset.....amazing no?

NYE tomorrow....way too much pressure to do something fun. But I will be hanging with mates and doing my own rituals and working out what my recipe will be for that day.

I head to Chicago on Jan 12th for 10 days. I am thinking about relocating there for a while and will be spending time with friends exploring that and other things. It will be snowy and cold and I don't think I even own enough clothes to keep me warm in that kind of weather, but somehow, I don't think it will matter. Also my bday......(a heads up for my Chicago mates). Lol

Anyway, incase I have no service tomorrow, happy new years to you and I am seriously sending nothing but good thoughts your way for 2008. I think we collectively deserve a good year!!

Thank you for all your support, kind and loving words, emails, gifts and letters, and for hanging in there with me. I can't tell you, or the universe, enough how grateful I am.

See you next year mates!

Love m

Me and Henry

We are hiking Wildcat Canyon and trying to not run into any aforementioned wildcats.....

Love this

Mani and Andrew

Have a dream to build a boat and sail it around the world. They have been building it by hand for two years and have another 6 months to go until its finished. Then they will take 3 years to sail around the world, working along the way to support themselves.

I am inspired by their quest, not that I would want to do it. I know shit about sailing (and I see them looking at me with 'you're kidding right' spread over their faces when I ask which side is port). But they are passionate about their quest, about their dream, and THAT inspires the crap out of me.

Here is their creation so far:

There was a little girl...

Who had a little curl.....

My friend Kimberley sings that song to me often, and then proceeds to pull the below shown curl.

Its 11.50pm and I am sitting in the airport, waiting for a friend to come in. Wishing it were me getting on a plane......

And now, back to the curl....

Recipes....

I think when you are suffering from a broken.......heart, body, spirit, leg, soul, ego, nail (you choose).....that you should come up with a recipe for healing that fits YOU. That should be totally different for everyone, because we are all so different.

My recipe?

Well, I am still trying to work it out. I do know that I want to keep a heart and soul that is open to the world, so, my incentive for working out my recipe is found in that desire and want.

I think my recipe is going to change everyday, and sometimes, I may not even need the recipe and oneday soon, I hope that my recipe won't be needed at all....at least until the next time (because we all know a broken anything is inevitable).

Anyway.....my recipe for today involves: taking my good mate to the airport at 4am, picking my other mate up from the airport at 11pm (doing something for others). Playing with and grooming Lucy the dog (good for both of us) and then taking a walk in the drizzle all snuggled up in warm clothes, booking a hot tub for myself at the above photographed piedmont springs, only putting good food into my body and then sitting with friends and watching movies. That feels like a good recipe for myself today.

Of course, I tried to book myself in for a pedicure, eye brow wax and eyelash tint but my lack of planning on all counts hampered my efforts on all three, at least for today. And of course I fought with myself on the over indulgance of all of that.....but, fuck it.....is all I can say, this is my recipe and I get to choose (except when there are no appts left).

That's my blah, blah for the day. Off to sit in the hot tub.....I'd like to know what your recipes are, if you have one (or two) (and Alex, drinking copious amounts of alcohol doesn't count....!).

Xxm

House concert

Okay, its tough to see this photo but its a house concert with the wonderful Natalia Zuckermann and Heather Combes.

I dropped in for a little bit of the show but was captured by the warmth of the music and the space and the souls. Good people, good musicians. A good thing to do on a cold rainy night when my whole being keeps getting pulled somewhere else that isn't anywhere near as healthy for me to be as right here. Made me remember how much I love being around music and good performers and house concerts. I miss them soooo much right now!!

Xxm

The view from here

This is a painting I look at as I write. It reminds me of home and feels calming to look at.

I just had a song wake me up, its been a long time since I felt a rush through my body that caused me to sit upright at 4am, turn on my light and write. I am glad I have the space to do it.

I am working out that I don't want to filter so much in my writing. That I want to let things fall as they are, as they most authentically feel right at that moment, without then needing to doctor them.

This song I call my 'torture' song right now. Its from the part of my imagination that takes something I hold really dear to my soul and then imagines it gone, taken away. It causes me anguish to sing it and to write it, but its real at this moment in time, and I am certain I can't be alone in the feeling.

Someone once told me that the brain knows no difference between fantasy and reality. That the emotions and the feelings your body goes through in one is the same for the other. Not fully sure why I share this, other than for the fact that is what my body feels right now as I write this.

Back to the writing then....

Xxm

2007.....

So, 2007 is slowly coming to an end and I am going to celebrate that fact by climbing up Mt Diablo over the weekend after a breakfast of pomegranate mimosas with new friends and then going to a farm in Occidental to sit by a bomb fire and have a few moments to say goodbye to the year and everything it takes with it. There are things I am happy to take with me from 2007 and things I am very happy to leave behind with the year. There are things I am grateful for that I like to say out loud. Sometimes I find saying them out loud is a powerful tool...to take a moment and reflect on them as the year passes. 

So....

I am grateful that I am alive and that I have my health and that I have curly hair. I am grateful that I get to play music and write songs and have people want to listen to them. I am grateful that I get to do this with my life. I am grateful that I get to travel around the world and have amazing experiences with amazing people along the way. I am grateful that I am Australian, and that I like to eat vegemite.  I am grateful that I have food for my belly, clothes for my body (very grateful for the socks on my feet right now, it's bloody cold here) and that I can still laugh, sometimes until tears are rolling down my face. I am grateful that I have a place to call home right now, and a place to call home tomorrow and the prospects of a place to call home after tomorrow. I am grateful for my family and for the people who love me. I am grateful for having the chance to learn more about what I want, and don't want, in my life and out of my life. I am grateful that I have the chance to find and leave some of those things. I am grateful that tomorrow is a new day and that I learn to not be quite so hard on myself as each day passes. I am grateful for love in my life...for new love and old love and the excitement and familiarity of those. I am grateful for the lessons I have learnt this year...lessons on listening to myself, being proud of my journey.  I am grateful for people around me (both close and not so) who know me and know when to tell me to pull my head in and who teach me about laughing at and loving myself. I am grateful that I am learning to be gentle with myself and because of that, more open and vulnerable to the world and the experiences that await me in it. I am grateful for a new cd and for the songs on that cd. I am grateful for the people who have booked shows, turned up to shows, helped at shows, clapped at shows, laughed and cried at shows, given me a roof and a meal and a hug (and of course for the nice glasses of red wine along the way), believed in what I do and how I do it and continue to give me a thumbs up a long the way. I am grateful for new beginnings, new chapters, new phases. I am grateful for the stories people have shared with me...stories of them that make my story a little more normal...and sometimes, not so.  I am grateful that I have choice and a mind to occasionally work out what those choices are. I am grateful that I have my friend Lou's dog, Lucy, here to keep me company while I type this..and that she is sitting on my foot and keeping it warm. 

I am grateful for you...and the fact that you check in here to see what's going on and occasionally share part of yourself with me. 

What are you grateful for?

The next generation

Xmas presents I want to steal, these two will be on the road with me next year. Oliver and Savannah being rock stars......made me proud of them, watching their moves (taught them everything you know).

Xxm

When kids go wild

The view from where I sit....craziness abounds!

Merry xmas

So, this is a more sober post!! Lol...thanks to my mates who kept handing me tequila shots. A fun xmas eve was had (sorry to everyone I drunk dialed!) and now I sit amongst the ripped gift wrapping and billions of toys (not mine). Its nice to wake up with a tonne of kids on xmas morning and even with a slightly fuzzy head from aforementioned tequila, it was good to just sit and watch them open their pressies. Now I just want to have a nap.....

To my family, love you guys....sorry we haven't talked yet! And to all, merry xmas!

Xxm

Da girls

We have finished....the cd. Our part is finished. Praise all who were involved.....I love you all and I can't thank you enough.

Xxm

Da vox

Here's Julie Wolf, Pam Delgado and Vicki Randall, the background vocal wonders. I can't believe I have them to sing on my cd. Its an unbelievable thing that was brought together and I feel so fortunate that they could all be here. You wait till you hear them, they fuckin rock my world.
Xxm

The view from here

I am laying on the back seat of my friend Julie's car, we have food from Sols deli (a great Jewish deli in Berkeley) in the back. It smells good and I am told the matso ball soup has great healing properties. I am looking forward to tasting it.

I moved house today. Up and down three flights of stairs a bazillion times. Think I am going to try to sit in a hot tub tomorrow and heal my sore body. Still not over the effects of my car accident and my shoulders hurt big. Damn those accidents keep on giving.

Anyway, a new chapter begins. Here's to new chapters.....raising my imaginery glass to the sky.

Xxm

6 days before xmas

Really, there's nothing to say about that fact, other than feeling the need to state it. My life has been so turned upside down over the past two months that I barely remembered it was xmas. This will be a strange holiday time for me, it already is, maybe its strange for you too.

Anyway, it does feel nice to not be overly caught up in the shopping craziness. To know that I get to hang out with some of my oldest friends here in the US and eat and drink and laugh and probably cry....and then take all their money in a serious game of poker.

The cd is on its way to being finished. Still has some backing vocals that need to go down and I am hoping that gets done this weekend and then we can start to put this baby to work. Sorry aussie folks, I doubt its going to be pressed in time for me to bring it with.

And now, I am on my way back to my little cubby hole to rest my weary body. I am looking forward to 2008!

Xxm

Kona

The dog of love. Whose owners may never see her again.

My first

Football match. I have no idea what's going on but everyone just cheered. So that's good in any country right?

Beauty...

See, in the middle of the biggest piles of do do, you can find beauty. If only you look....

Scarey kitties

So these two little fellas were hanging out the window of a 2nd floor apartment last night when we got home. I was astounded to just see then hanging there, obviously quite desperate to jump and feel the ground beneath their little paws.

I love the way the camera on my phone makes animals look like satan's children. Makes me laugh every bloody time I look at it.

Xxm

All the dudes

Handels messiah

My mate Kimberley treated me to my first ever night at the opera in san Francisco. We are here to see handels messiah and I am excited....

The view

From where I stand......

Late night blogging

Yup, can't sleep, taking random photos for no apparent reason, other than to show my mum (and anyone else who might care) that I am here. Its chilly over this way and I miss being on the road a lot right now. Just being absorbed in that kind of energy. It's been a totally fucked up kinda day (incase you haven't noticed) and I am ready to just move on.

I figure the universe (like that word Evan?) does what it does....or does it? Is it just really us that does what we do and then we blame the universe? Like its some mystical excuse for us to take the easy way out and not take responsibility for our actions, choices and decisions? I don't know the answer...just pondering the question.

SEE why I can't sleep tonight? The answers to this and others that plague the world are on my mind......I wonder if I can answer them all in time to get any sleep again.

Where I come from, we call this 'belly button gazing'.....looking at my innards - probably too much and for way too long instead of just saying 'fuck it' and going to get a beer with mates. I miss those mates.....can you come get me now and take me out for a beer, down to Freo or in Alex's backyard, and say 'fuck it' with me a few times and then laugh our gutse out?

Xxm

ps - www.astrologyzone.com is a great website for those who like to check out the stars!! Here is part of my chart...bring it on baby:

As you begin December, you will have almost no sign that so many benefits are about to flow your way - trust that it will. When it does, it will arrive gently and quietly but will keep building. In hindsight you will see that the very best new parts of your life showed up at the end of 2007 and during the course of 2008.

Both personally and professionally, doors will open for you, giving you the kind of access and opportunity you've rarely enjoyed so far. Influential people will want to see you do well, and you'll need to be very specific about how they can help you if asked. Your health will improve impressively, and you'll likely travel more often in 2008 than you have in any previous year in recent memory.

Your only danger will be to accept too many of the offers and spread yourself too thin. As you move forward, be selective. Focus in on the areas with the biggest potential to maximize this trend.

As you begin your countdown toward this date in the first half of December, take a moment to center yourself. Re-examine your priorities and decide if you'd like to reorder them. If you have outgrown certain goals, there's no harm in deleting those and updating your list by adding one or two new ones.

Also, be sure to create an open space for the universe to fill. If you are too overscheduled, overbooked, and lacking in free time, you will be like a computer with no more memory space - you'll be overwhelmed and ready to crash! You won't be able to add the new, and that would be a shame.

What the fuck?

I have been riding my bike around the back streets of Berkeley/Emeryville for the past few hours after doing a fuckin killer 'lance armstrong' inspired spinning class. My body hurts in a mostly good way and I just want to say 'fuck' a lot. (I love that word incase you don't know).

Anyway, I saw this sign thing and you know, felt some kind of kindred-ness with it. You know, those times when you are just on your knees asking 'what the fuck'? I am trying to learn to stay in the moment, and not always succeeding. Trying to be honest and open to the world and the people in it without acting on the desperate need sometimes to just run away and hide and tell everyone to fuck the hell off. Trying to remember that breathing is good and that tomorrow is a new day, with new experiences and new delights.

And also trying to remember the great words 'this too shall pass'.

Xxm

My mum

I love my mum....and I miss her right now. These are the photos I have on my desk that I look at every day - my mum and my niece Skyla. I get to see them both again at the end of January and that makes me really happy to think about. Its going to be a good month....mind you, any month will be good after the past few.

Xxm

The flame

Candles captivate me. I can sit and watch them burn for a very long time. I don't really think about much when looking.....I just look. The shapes, the direction of the flame, the dance that occurs. It all captivates me......but then, I have been told that I am easily entertained.

I am learning about 'romancing' oneself.....cooking a nice dinner, lighting some candles, grabbing something good to drink....and enjoying it all. The silence, the hum of the fridge (lol), the darkness as it comes down, the magic of the moment, the taste of the food and of course, the candles. And who knows.....I may even get lucky later. (oh lol....I can't believe I just wrote that).

So go, romance yourself....

Xxm

Kitchen exercises

So, this is what people here do as they are waiting for the pecan pie to cook....

Lunchtime

I am helping Julie paint her house....I am stopping to eat cold pizza. Its chilly over here, but not as cold as some people have to live in right now. Although, I wouldn't mind some snow right now....

I think

This is a mannequin store....do those stores exist? I wonder. But this was the view from where I sat......

I love a good view.... :-) and this one has kept me pondering for a while.

You know.....

For some reason, this completely makes sense to me....

Sweet sweet

These are my two mates Julie Wolf and Vicki Randle playing some tunes at Dolores park cafe. Its for the photographic opening of their friend Lindley (see her photos in the back).

They are both amazing musicians, and I am gladly their bi-a-tch tonight......schlepping shit, pulling sound and getting them whatever they be wanting. Its an honor to stand in their shadows and watch them do their thang. I wish this were a video, so you could hear how sweet they sound right now. Takes my mind to other places.

Xxm

Me and T

Oye Hamlin....come get me and take me touring with you again. I need some of dat dere fun.....

Random...

Random photos I have taken out on the road and haven't put up. Just to give you something new to look at.

Been a crazy month.....moving house, trying to finish the cd, look for somewhere to live, get my body healthy again after the accident and plan for 2008. Just reminding myself to breath...