Dang....

It's been a long time between blog posts and all I can say is that life has kept me busy since the last one. It's always interesting to me how things, how creativity, ebbs and flows. I feel like I am being creative and writing, just in other ways right now. Use to be that I would write on here sometimes a few times a day, now I am glad if I can get it once a week. Change. It's a funny thing.

I keep saying to myself 'enough change already'...and then the universe, with it's wicked sense of humor, jumps in and mixes things up. I can imagine, with a wild cackle....interesting that I visualize the universe as a creature with a witch like cackle when it comes to change. I don't enjoy it that much, even though I feel like I facilitate it for myself often.

Anyway, life is grand....and hopefully has settled down for a little while now. Amazing shows coming up, a new live cd that I am incredibly proud of and people around me who I love and am loved by. This is life....in all it's glory. And I am grateful.

xxM

It's THAT time...

I flew back to Australia a few days ago and lay here, in my nieces Princess bed (yes, tis a sight indeed), living through my second night with jet lag.

Actually, its not so bad...I am just not use to getting up at 5am and can't wait to get back to my 8am sleep ins.

It's wonderful to be back in the homeland again, hanging with the family and eating all the foods that I have missed. My mum, Muriel, turns 80 while I am here and really, this is the reason why I am here.

Time for a photo no doubt:

I only get to see my ma once year and it's tough. I miss her and I always have to go through a period of adjustment time when I get here because of the changes age is bringing her. She has just been diagnosed with the first level of dementia...which is scarey, for all of us. My heart has already felt achy to witness some of her fear around it and I find myself just wanting to remind her to keep positive and active and surely that will help, right? I'm all about giving space for all that we feel....and then moving on...but that's easier said and done when you are my age than it is at her age.

So...here we be, in the country that sells bananas at the moment for $9.99 a kilo (almost $4.50 a pound). Eating meat pies, red snakes, twisties and cherry ripes (mmm) and hanging out with my mum as much as I can. Taking her in, watching her closely, re-learning her and burning her face on my memory and trying to have a laugh in the midst of it all.

Wish me luck peeps

xxM

::open up anyway::

open wide.
give your desires words. out loud words.
tenderly gaze of the eye to eye.
expose your craving anyway you must, under a blanket or backed by a rented band.
reveal your intentions, clean.
stand there, vulnerable, waiting.
describe your dream, in detail.
clarify what you're afraid of and give faith to the opposite.

engage every cell in fiercely wishing:
to be seen. to be graduated. adored. valued. validated. met.

the moment holds it all. give it then and there.
even if it didn't work before, or you're not sure what will come out of you to make for something new. (you can't be sure)
blow off the past.
ask for what you want.

unzip the casing of your personality and let that inner layer feel the air. smart warm life.
do it in front of another being.

this is terrifying relief:
to merge
out in front
melting edges
contributing
punctuations of ecstasy
everyday happiness deepening
we know.
pulse open. open. open.

you will get hurt. shattered -- guaranteed.
a glance will cut. denial will bruise, rejection will fracture.
you'll cry. clenched. you'll be infuriated. you may choose to walk away -- agonized.
leave. quit. swing back. shoot a dart of defense.
you'll regret it -- more or less.

if you stay there, closed down 'round your core, then you'll never leave the house feeling like yourself.
you'll pad your soul with stuff destined for landfills.
piles of dislike and complaints will heave between you and bliss.
(bliss is possible. we know.)
itchy. tight. foggy. this happens when the heart is veiled.
nothing will ever be quite right, day after day.

pulse back open.
do it to be it.
lean toward.
worship your precious impulses.
focus to expansion.
this once.
open
up
any
way
...
Danielle LaPorte

Tell me...

What your words were...

Mine were: Beauty, Made, Passion....quickly followed by Pogo.

Hmm...

Here she be....

The new cd is here mates.....she has arrived in all her glory and is possibly the most beautiful of her kind...oh, but what parent doesn't say that.

You can pick up a copy of this 79 minute entertainment extravaganza now at cd baby. Also keep your eye on itunes etc because it will be there soon too!

Go [HERE] to get a copy!

In celebration of a life gone too soon....

These are my friends Becky & Annemarie. Two sweetheart friends of mine who I met through music a number of years ago and who became mates. Friends I could hang out with in good and bad times, drink margaritas with, play music with, watch entire seasons of True Blood with, talk deeply about life and love with, laugh hard with, stain play gym equipment with, learn about gardening and vegetables with and hang out all day in my sweat pants with (and you *know* that's a sign of a true friendship.)

In early October Becky was admitted to the ER with hip/back pain and in the process of trying to work out what was going on, they found lesions on her liver that turned out to be secondary liver cancer.

Yesterday, Becky passed away.

In the midst of trying to deal with my sadness around not only losing Becky but having my friend Annemarie go through such a heart breaking experience, I am trying to find moments to celebrate Becky. To stop in my day and laugh as I recall moments we shared and to say a big thank you to the universe for allowing me to go visit with her before she passed away. To kiss her bum fluff bald head and sing her a new song. To see her smile even just for a minute. Sitting here, feeling rather helpless in it all, miles away from Annemarie, I close my eyes and imagine myself throwing my arms around her and loving on her broken heart.

On February 26th at the UU Church in Woodstock, IL we are going to have a fund raising concert to raise money to help pay for the hospital bills that are still coming in from Becky's treatment. There will be a silent auction and a concert and a time to celebrate. If you want to come to the show, or have friends in the area that you can pass the details along to, we would appreciate it. Please check out the facebook invitation page [here] for details on how to attend or for details on how to donate towards her medical bills and funeral. Even $10 would help. If you have something that you think would help with the silent auction, please drop me a note to let me know.

I know you probably didn't know her, but if you could just take a moment in your day to say thank you for her...I would appreciate it and know that collectively our energy will make a difference.

xxM

The view from here...

Driving back to Indianapolis from a weekend of shows and friends in Chicago...mentally preparing for my first supposed BIG winter storm. 20 inches of snow expected and I keep hearing people talk about buying groceries incase they get trapped.

Gulp.

And damn, I wish I had a hot tub....

Or some sun.

My mum was talking to me the other day about how she couldn't sleep because it was so hot in Adelaide. Hmm. Heat or snow...such a hard toss up.

Not!!!

Give me heat any day...

From out here on I65 driving towards a storm....god, so the story of my life. Ha!!

Xxm

Aussie Day in Indianapolis

Celebrating Australia day in the snow. We recreating our favorite Aussie foods, starting with cheesy vegemite scrolls......

Can barely wait to eat them....

Happy Aussie day mates

Xxm

Happy day of birth...

To Me...

I kinda wish I were sitting in this beach today, celebrating my birth like I have many times before.

Ahh, but I have snow, surrounded by good mates and plenty of laughter. What more could a girl want?!

Blessed I be on this day of birth...

Xxm

Resolutions....

I have spent a good chunk of time, during my few weeks of feeling poorly, writing out my intentions, resolutions and things I want to manifest this year. Pages upon pages of things and then a few pages of things I wanted to leave behind, which I promptly burned.

One thing I want to spend more time with this year is redefining my spirituality. Since leaving organized religion I feel like I have wandered around a little in spiritual no woman's land....taking a little here and there without really spending a lot of time working out what works for me.

I know meditation works for me, so taking time to develop my practice more.

I know thinking deeply about intentions and that which I choose to put out into the world both physically and energetically, works for me. So being mindful and working more on developing that.

Being creative is a chance for me to tap into my spirit more too.

Getting back to myself and my spirit is my quest. To stand proudly and unashamedly on my truth. To love and be loved and to know what I want and to be able to verbalize that proudly. Someone reminded me today that this is my life, that I get to make all the decisions and dictate where I go. That I give what I want when I want.

This is all what I want..

What to you want?

Xxm

Things to know today....

January 1st, 2011....

1.1.11

Weird huh?

So, this year you will be happy to know is going to be good for the arts....and the 7 billionth person will be born. It only took 11 years for the last billion to be born. That's some freaky shit and hopefully the two aren't related.

But we all know they probably are.

Good year for the arts means there will be a lot of giddy artists running around....which means, of course, there will be lots of giddy artists doing the dirty (or the wonderously yummy, as I like to think of it).

So, my prediction for 2011, is that the 7 billionth person born will no doubt be sired by artists and will grow up to be a very happy, well adjusted, creative human being.

Oh...and happy new year, in the midst of this, possibly the most bizarre posting ever.....

Xxm

Solstice....

Well, it's been a long time between blog posts. The longest time every probably. Sorry about that for those of you who regularly read. It's winter here in Indiana and I am surrounded by more snow than I have ever seen in my life. Learning how to live in it is interesting in a 'do I need to buy snow pants, how do I get my car door unfrozen' kind of way. I have moments of being amazed but it and then moments of being just utterly pissed off and wanting to get back to my Australian summer.

I am sitting here listening to the final mix of the new live cd...it's bloody fantastic, if I must say so myself. It feels so nice to have captured such a beautiful show. The audience members sing like angels and clap and whoots like devils....it's wonderful. Someone just asked me if the pre-sale is still going.....it is, and you can find it here: http://www.martinelocke.com/pages/presale.php . Hopefully will be ready for posting by mid February and then I will start to plan cd release shows around the country.

So, it was solstice Tuesday night and for the first time in 700 years that coincided with an eclipse. It felt like a very powerful time to me. I watched the eclipse via a webcam in Chile (coz of aforementioned snow blocking the sky here) and felt in myself like it was an amazing thing to witness. I wrote my intentions out and mailed them to myself via futureme.org - it's set to send me an email in one years time. Such a freaky concept. Tuesday night I went to a solstice party and they had a fire out back for people to burn the things that they wanted to leave. For me, I had to burn things to do with my time in the church. Guilt and feeling responsible. It's very strange to have found all of that inside myself still after so many years being away from it. But there it was.....and there it went.

Happy holiday to you however you celebrate them and I hope that you get the chance to take a moment and think about what it is you are willing to let go of during this solstice time. Things that don't serve you anymore. Let them go.

xxM

the days of our lives....

Elizabeth Edwards passed away on Tuesday from breast cancer. A lot of you would most likely know who she is but google will be able to tell you if you don't. One of her last quotes moved me deeply today as I try to work out where my brain is at and why it feels all so muddled with this life of mine. I share it with you, as it was shared with me, to offer a remembrance of the shortness of life....


“The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.“ –Elizabeth Edwards

Cracked....

I get it.
I know how it feels.
Reminding myself of the old Chinese tradition of filling cracks with gold. That cracks were seen as a valuable part of the history of the piece that held it. Filling it with gold brought attention to the crack...honored it...made it all shiny and bright.

I am choosing to learn to honor and respect my cracks. Remembering they are a part of who I am. Not to hide them away in shame or embarrassment. To own them.

Gulp.

Maybe tomorrow I will honor them. Today I am a little weary of them.

Xxm

“I am Me. 

 

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. 

 

Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. 

 

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. 

 

By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. 

 

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. 

 

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. 

 

I am me, and I am Okay.”

 

`Virginia Satir

look...

Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,

“You owe Me.”

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.

~Hafiz

to thank...or not to thank.

It's thanksgiving here in the States tomorrow and for such a 'thankful' holiday it's interesting to witness how much grief it brings people. Obligations and anxieties about family get togethers and how long to spend where. What to take, what not to take, what to wear, how much to drink beforehand....

It seems like far too much pressure for a day of thanks.

Now, lets not even go into the meaning behind the actual day. That's a whole other fucked up story.

On this day, I am choosing to be even more conscious for the things I am thankful for. To have gratefulness in my heart for my life and for the people who love me. My plan is to take some time when I wake up to meditate...to reach towards something bigger than myself and just say thank you.

And then go out and eat, drink and be merry and laugh with people who love and are loved by me.

Happy day of thanks mates.....

xxM

The Art of Non-Conformity....

(reposted from The Art of Non-Conformity )

If you are confident, they will say you are arrogant.

If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.

If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.

If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”

If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.

If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”

If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.

The instructions include:

rein it in
slow it down
wait it out
pull it back
take your time
play it safe

But you will know:

They are envious because they want what you have.

They are afraid of change even as they crave it.

They are projecting their own regret into resentment of you.


As for the others, well, you will remember what Gandhi said:

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

The Rally Cry...

I sang Hallelujah to a group of people last night who were gathered to show their support for kids who get bullied in school. To say 'it's not okay'. We lit candles in rememberance of the kids who have taken their own lives because of what bullying has done to them.

It starts with us. Us older folks, us adults, us ones who teach them ones to be different. It starts with our churches, our community leaders, our politicians.

It starts with us saying 'you are you. i am me. that's okay'.

It was a freezing cold night and a few hundred folks stood in the chill to raise their candles high and I felt proud to offer my talent, to have it stand high too. To be part of something and some cause bigger than myself.

Thanks for having me IYG.....thanks for having the balls to put the rally together, to speak out and on behalf of all of those who feel like they have no voice....or no choice.

xM

the great big wow.....

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”                                         

Martha Graham  (American Dancer, Teacher and Choreographer of modern dance, 1894-1991)

Nothing is too scarey.
Nothing is too much.
There is a path.
There is no crisis.

There is but a moment to stop and say, 'wow.......'
(usually quickly followed by a 'holy fuck, look at that sky'....at least for me). 


xxM