So, I had an interesting epiphany yesterday as I was watching, with heaviness in my heart, the dedications to Whitney Houston (who, for those of you who don't turn on the tv, passed away Saturday afternoon).
I was thinking a lot about how so many of us artists & musicians and creatives spend a good chunk of our existence working to try to get as famous as we can. I know for a good portion of indies that really means trying to get as many people to know what you do so you don't have to keep working so damn hard to get people to come to your shows and buy your stuff...but, there are definitely those indies who really just want a record deal and fame & fortune. I have nothing against that or those people that so passionately want for that but I just continue to realize a few things...
1. No amount of fame & fortune will matter if you don't have your shit together.
2. That even WITH all that money & fame and probably never having to worry about how to pay a bill again, it still won't make you happy.
3. If you take drugs and mix alcohol or just take drugs, or just drink too much alcohol...it will kill you. It won't make you happy. It won't drive away whatever fucking demons you think you have. You won't be a cool person that healthy happy people actually WANT to hang around with. And.....your fame & fortune most likely wont bring anyone but your greedy uncle Merty happiness.
I think about the times in my 20 year musical career that I have wished for more success and more money. The times when I have looked the lives of people like Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson (well, okay, his always did look a little unusual) and thought it must be grand to just be able to make and sing amazing music. To not have to book your own shows year after year or hope that people turn up or that you have brought in enough this month to cover your basic living bills or do you need to drop health insurance coz you really can't afford it any longer. In my head, people like those three just have to wake up in the morning and sing...if they want to. (Might I just add in these little brackets that I get that their lives are far more complicated than that...).
But here's the thing I know I have that none of them have and now, will never have.
Happiness.
I have people around me that I am loved by, people I can trust with my heart. I have a family that supports me and would jump in if I ever really was in trouble. I have a sweet home with the ones that I love and I have been fortunate in my life to be able to work through my stuff. Not for one moment would I trade lives with Whitney Houston, even before Saturdays tragic events.
On Sunday night before the Grammys I was watching an interview with Adelle, who let me say, I LOVE. My favorite part of the entire grammys was when receiving the Album of the Year award, she wiped her nose on her arm and said 'oohhhh, snot'. I laughed hard and applauded her BIG (and prayed to the musical gods that she would always remain the same). She was talking about how she has been struggling with so much fame so quickly. So much so that she has had to devise a plan of telling her groups of friends different stories about things that are going on so she knows when one of them has leaks it to the press...then she can get rid of that friend..
It made me sad for her. None of my mates have leaked anything to the droves of paparazzi that sit on my lawn day after day...waiting for something juicy to print. And for that, my mates, I thank you.
At the end of the day, I realize my life has substance and adventure and challenges that make me a more solid human being. It has love and peace and art and community and real friends and a real lover, and yes I am trying to work out if I really can afford to keep health insurance anymore, but I am healthy and have respect for my body and for what I put into it. I have people around me who aren't afraid to challenge me or to kick my butt if I am making unhealthy choices. They would NEVER sit around and watch me party so hard that it started to destroy me.
Whitney Houston's money and fame is going to do her no good now and she leaves behind a daughter that she will never see grow up.
My heart breaks for her.
Thank-filled for my life and the realness of it....
