I remember when Ani Difranco released her song called 'Angry Anymore'...and people seemed a little crabby about it. People liked her angry...liked her angry material....seems they liked it much more than her not so angry songs.
I was a little perplexed by that question at first and wanted to say...'jeeze, give me a break, I've only just started'. ..infact, I think that is what I did say. I was perplexed because it yet again reminded me how uncomfortable people are with anger......although we are also strangely drawn and relieved to hear other peoples angry songs. I know the new batch of songs I have written this year have had a HUGE response from people all over. They identify with them, even in the midst of uncomfortable.I think again, that it's that thing of making us realize we are not weird, or alone in our feelings.
I have said it before, but I see experiences, especially ones that are life altering and painful, as scars that we carry forever. They alter who we once were in the same way a physical scar changes the landscape of our bodies. Possibly the goal is to find a way to heal them up enough so that we don't react from the middle of that scar every time its touched....or looked at in the wrong way....or not touched or looked at, at all!!!. Like any scar we will probably always remember the events around us getting it in the first place....especially if it's a big one...it serves as a reminder. I know a few physical scars on my body still cause me to shudder when I remember how I got them.
Anyway, the answer to the question for me is, no that doesn't mean that those feelings are instantly gone and, yes I am still writing about it. Infact, sometimes those feelings can still be triggered by some piece of information or opinion that is passed or shared with me (which tells me healing is still occurring). I still have some songs and poems to write and that are in the process of being written that capture and chronicle that part of my life experience. Hell, all my life experiences. Its almost like they are sitting in me waiting their turn to come out and I just haven't been able to keep up with them. Even yesterday I started a song that begins with the line:
'the truth according to you, is full of lies'.
The scar left on me by that experience is now part of the landscape of me. I can be at peace with that in the same way I am about the other scars I have, in so far as using it as a reminder for the things I had to learn, the person I needed to become.....oh, and never letting that person anywhere near me again (ahh but be careful of saying 'never' in the universes ear, right?).
I don't think of myself as an angry person one bit, but I will continue to write...as it falls out of me, hopefully unfiltered....about things that can make me feel angry....and happy.....and lovey...and confused...and silly....and....well, you get the idea.
Xxm
Ps. Of course, this blog post is unfiltered too and I am thinking outloud so I may change my mind as I think about it all more.....but I doubt it.
6 comments:
i like the idea of experiences being scars...its like we can see them and remember and honor them that way.
thanks for sharing
jen
Yes, I agree. It's a great analogy. As always, I enjoy reading/hearing your thoughts.
i remember that song clearly and i guess i didn't think of Ani not writing anymore angry songs but having found peace with a part of her story. maybe some people get uncomfortable when their favorite moves out of a 'genre' to a place they don't identify with.
scars on the landscape captures the whole bizzo of the inevitable experience of pain in our lives in an amazing way..that sentence wore me out..thanks for your insight..and while i'm here i've been thinking of all you dudes over there..what with train crashes and hurricanes and crap finance stuff going on..hope you are all OK
Well MArdi i couldnt have said that better myself, onya lovey.
i sometimes think that a major upset in our lives often opens the doors for all the other feelings that we have stored away or been able to smother. This adds to the intensity of the feelings because a whole lot of stuff is unpacked leaving us to work through it.
People are very scared or uncomfortable with anger as well as sadness. As i work in the children's field teaching students to work with childre i see or hear how people are uncomfortable with children's anger or sadness, they spend most of their time to distract them from their feelings instead of helping them experience and express their feelings. Like i say anger and sadness are as important as happiness, joy, jelousy etc, they are all part of how human beings express themselves.
See what you did Mardi, u started a chain reaction lol
cxx
Enjoyed the post, very self-reflective as usual. I always think when I am angry that perhaps it is rather a sadness masked in anger. Anger feels like a reaction, sadness feels like a tunnel to the next place of being.
Jay
well said Jay..i like that take on sadness
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