Goodbye 2008...welcome 2009

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"~ Joseph Campbell

I cried when I first read this quote.....those straight from your heart and out your eyes kind of tears.

2008 has been such a big year in the life and heart of this little Aussie and I believe I have been grappling with the lesson this quote is trying to share with us. I think 2008 broke me in ways I haven't been broken before..deep, personal, life altering kinda ways...but it also rebuilt me in ways I have wished for in the past and wondered how to achieve. (footnote to self...be careful what you wish for).

My year in a nutshell went something like this:

- moved into a new place in Emeryville, CA
- finished recording my new cd
- missed my family like crazy
- went to Australia for a month to visit family and do shows
- lost my luggage for 6 days whilst there
- came back to the US and left my home and community of 8 years and moved to Chicago
- got involved with a pathological liar who somehow got under my radar and stomped my heart hard (although not so much under the radar of mates that met her along the way)
- learned I probably need to listen to my mates a little more
- understood for a moment the concept of hating
- and then understood how destructive to self that hate can be
- learned about boundaries and when to put them up and hold them up real tight
- I learned how to bounce someones emails
- started to listen to my own intuition more
- built a new website
- released my new amazing cd
- experienced living in some version of snow for the first time ever
- built my first snow kangaroo
- experienced anxiety attacks for the first time
- stopped eating because of aforementioned anxiety attacks
- took anti anxiety medication (all 20 of them) (not at once of course) for the first time and felt better
- stopped having anxiety attacks and stopped taking it
- played some great shows...festivals and house concerts
- played with some great people
- got fit
- hung out with great mates
- created a garden
- toured through some new towns
- got to know some old friends again
- made a new community and was enveloped in the beautiful arms of my existing one
- felt truly blessed by the people that found me
- found my love of cycling again
- wrote a shit load of poems
- released my first poetry chapbook
- played shows with more passion, energy, vulnerability and truth than ever before
- wrote some great new tunes
- met new, wonderful people
- watched audience turn out increase around the country
- learnt me better
- had my heart and soul swept away by an amazing, beautiful, honest woman
- fell madly in love with her
- stood by my love as she tragically lost her beautiful little brother
- had my heart broken as I mourned the loss of a man I didn't know and now will never know
- fell in love some more
- moved back to California to be with her
- said 'yes' but 'ask me again' in a few months
- made new friends in LA and re-established relationships with old, very dear, ones
- started recording a new cd
- got creative in a whole pile of new and interesting ways
- learned about trusting again
- got to spend another year doing what I love, being connected with the people I love, by the songs and stories that I love

In all honesty, there are a few things I would change about this year if I could..but I also know that all those things combined have brought me to where I am and made me who I am this year...so...if I truly believe things happen for a reason then, even if I don't fully understand it all, I have to also believe that everything had to happen in its time to bring me here.

And for that...and for your support, friendship, belief and love....

I am thankful.

Wishing you love, honesty, peace, creativity and another year of journey and this thing we call life.

xxM

Winter in CA

In all its glory....

Xxm

Boredom and all other moments of nothingness

Okay, so I confess. I get crazy making bored sometimes. I love to work. I love to be out on the road and doing my thing, playing music, interacting.

When I am not...and just hanging out, I get silly bored sometimes.

I try to pick up my guitar and write, I try to read, I try to knit, I try to just be, I try to make things and be creative, I try to go outside and walk..but then there's just sometimes when I just get bored and nothing sounds particularly good. If I had a mate who lived around the corner, I would go hang out with them right now..that would be fun right now (where are you KC and why do YOU live so far away right now?! lol). But I don't. My mates here in LA all live miles away in traffuck and I am still getting the hang of this city and what I do here when I am not working or hanging out with my sweetheart or doing all these other things that keep my brain entertained. It's all good, but this is just a moment of boredom confession (and no, I don't really need suggestions of what to do, coz I do have them myself...just making sure I am not alone in my random moments of boredom).

I just realized this as sat here and watched the repair man put our heating/air conditioner thing back together (he tried to fix it and couldn't).

Here he is:



SEE how bored I am?!

xxM

footnote....the airconditioner man isn't actually as wide as this photo makes him look, I will have to remember that.

The View From Here...

We hiked up Wildwood Canyon park today in an attempt to get out of the house (and away from our new 32" HD TV that Santa brought us) (and blue ray dvd player) (slobber)...and actually do some exercise. Exercise has been rather lacking over this way in a 'all gooey in love and all I want to do is gaze into your eyes and never go outside' kinda way. Funny considering I was riding almost 100 miles a week....I will get back to some version of that SOON..I know I will. This is just a moment and the moment will change and become a different moment...soon. Oh.....now. No...now. I mean.....

Anyway, we huffed and puffed as we walked and ran straight up the hill and then ran down the other side of the bloody HUGE mountain...we got to the bottom, all sweaty and tired, and looked at each other and started back up again. Not sure why really..I think it was a moment of delirium that comes with oxygen inhalation. We got to the top again and I was looking up at my sweetheart as she caught her breath and took this photo. She doesn't like it so much, but I liked the dreamer feeling it gave me...the 'on top of the world' flavor. The 'I can do anything' feeling that I feel when I look at it. It inspires me.

Then we ran down the side we started all sweaty and laughing (and breathing hard) and felt better knowing that we took ourselves out of our blubber-ness and gave our bods what we needed. And then tomorrow, we will just do it again....

Ahh...but for now, back to gazing...

xxM

xmas day...

Us...on one of those walks you do in the vain attempt at keeping some of the calories away on xmas day.

It didn't work...

xxM

Lovely....

This made me cry and inspired me to want to live EVEN more creatively than I do.

To be exposed to the world and open to the journey of creativity..just to see where it leads.

In the last week of 2008 I have been reflecting a lot on the past year. Thinking about my goals and dreams for 2009 but also thinking on the things I am grateful to leave behind in it, on the things that I am thank-filled for and the hard hard lessons I have learn't this year. The friends I have made, the new love I have, the quest for wholeness and honesty and only what brings good into my life and the lives of others. I have been inspired, and touched and reached out to and soothed and loved on by new and old, very dear, friends. I have said goodbye to some things and some people and good riddance to others. I have said hello to many wonderful wonderful wonderful souls and experiences. And I have said 'NO FUCKING WAY'...many times...in good and bad ways.

I have traveled and played music and hung out with mates. Stayed in peoples houses,become a part of their world for a moment and sometimes longer than a moment. I have had my heart broken and rebuilt again. I have been deceived and found faith in truth and people again. I have written and created and sung and played and drawn and crafted and designed and dreamt. I have lost 27 pounds and recently found some of that again (doah). I have moved twice...to two new cities.

I still have curly hair.

I still love what I do and feel outrageously blessed to do what I do. I released a new cd and started another one. I got to see a few new cities in this country and played some new festivals and in some new peoples homes. I released my first poetry chapbook. I found a whole new level of creativity, that I thought was there...but wasn't sure.

This year, I laughed harder than I ever have but also cried harder.

And because of all of this, I am different. My heart will never be the same.

So, now I leave you with this 7 minutes of lovely inspiration. Did it make you cry too? Did it scare you? (it scared me a little in a 'oh, I could never come up with anything like that' kinda way). Did it excite you and make you just want to DO IT?

Here you go lovely's....and thank you.

xxM

To you and yours...from me and mine

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

The Problem For Gays...

Great article in Time Magazine about President-Elect Obama's choice of minister for the inauguration ceremony in January. It's created a pretty big shit storm over this way, given the insult a lot of gay people who supported him are feeling has been directed at them by his choice. The link for the article, incase you are interested: TIME. Well worth a read...

xxM

Studio Angles

Recording the song 'never been the same'...this pic captures the moody, dark, angry flavor of the song perfectly.

Xxm

The View From Here...

this is the view walking back to my house tonight.....it wasn't raining....which made me happy.

If you were standing next to me though, you would hear: a bazillion birds who are singing happily either because it has stopped raining and they aren't shivering anymore, or because it rained and now everything is clean. A helicopter, looking for someone. One of those ice cream trucks with the annoying song that stays in your head for days. The din of traffic from the main road. Kids laughing hard inside a house somewhere. The slap of my running shoe as it hit the ground. Water running down a drain pipe somewhere. Either a kid or a little dog barking. The beeping of a truck as it backs up. The splash of a car going through a puddle of water. A dog howling for it's owner to come home. Another helicopter. The squeak of a gate as it opens.

Funny thing is, I don't consider here to be a very noisy place. Especially not after living in the middle of San Francisco for 7 years. But I realize more and more how things just past us by...we are in our own little head spaces and we miss so much. At least I do. I should talk first person. I miss out on so much because I am thinking about 'later' way too much. Today, I closed my eyes and listened for a moment and this is what I heard....all in just ONE moment.

And I was grateful.

xxM

what you don't want to see

after hours of preparing caramel brownie crunch....

cat paws in the caramel...

Xmas and all...

We went to D's work xmas party on Saturday night. It was a pretty tame affair until we had all consumed alcohol and a group of us ended up at a gay club called 'Oil Can Harrys'. There we danced and drank vodka in iridescent glasses and hung out with lots of beautiful gay boys. It was a lot of fun. I liked that I could love on my sweetheart with no one barely batting an eye lid..and quite honestly, when people do notice, I don't even notice them noticing and am usually quite surprised later to learn of their stares. For some reason, I think touching and loving on the woman I love is the most natural thing in the world for me to do and I forget that sometimes people have a problem with it. The times when I do catch someones eye as they are staring horrified, I usually just smile gently at them and hold their stare...quite honestly, as if to say, 'oh, you poor thing'.

I am happy to report that all my xmas shopping is all done....check out www.etsy.com if you like to buy one of a kind pieces of art for people. I adore the site and have bought most of my presents from there. D and I are going to set up a store on their over the new years and start selling our 'other creative' wares. She takes amazing photographs and sketches and we have been quite crafty together over the holidays...making cards and stuff for friends. It's all part of the quest of having a creative life..and what that looks like in it's wholeness. I think sometimes being creative just involves us not being scared to try something. To let the creative flow out of us and not stop it with our judgements or insecurities.

Anyway, these are my monday ponderings. It's chilly here in SoCal...but it was nice to lay in bed throughout the night and listen to the rain fall on the roof..and then of course, to wake up and everything be all fresh and clean. Love that.

10 days till xmas mates.....damn, where the hell has this year gone?

xxM

Only in LA

Almost full moon. Film advertising. All in one breath.
Xxm

Recording...

Dionne laying down a vocal track for Fall From Grace....re-write.

Xxm

Foley props

This is the Foley prop room, where they store all the bits they use when re-recording sounds. Hmm...crutches, I wonder what sound they make.

Xxm

Recording day...

Today, we begin recording. This is a mixed recording session. Going to record the song that D sang at Tylers memorial service (which will be available as a digital download) and then start on the acoustic tunes that I will put on a acoustic CD to release next year. D and her co worker, Brooke, are engineering the project here at Chase sound in Burbank. We are recording on what is normally used as their Foley stage (Foley sound is all the noises you hear on movies....they go in later and re-record things like footsteps etc).

Anyway, here we go!!

Xxm

De - lights, De - lights

These are the lights in our apartment that we put up today (I referenced it in the twitter update thingy on the side over there....(to the right)...i like twitter). I just cracked a bottle of Malbec and am sitting here in the twilight in Burbank, looking at the lights. I like lights. I would keep them up for always coz I like the ambiance they create.

Xmas celebrations go into full steam this weekend with work parties, mates parties and then the big week of xmas-new years....AND I begin recording on Saturday. I know...crazy and last minute it seems but this is the beginning of a new all acoustic cd that I will plan to release by Spring next year. Dionne sang a new version of Fall From Grace at her bro's memorial service a few weeks back and it was so divinely beautiful that we decided it needed to be recorded. So...we start with that and 'Never Been The Same'....my new 'fuck you' song. If' you've been at a show lately, you've heard it, along with the tale that goes with it.

Anyway...I feel like there is a lot to celebrate this holiday season. I remember where I was this time last year and am so grateful to be done with that time that I want to celebrate twice as hard this year. I answered 10 questions yesterday about the past year and where I was and how I am different this year....it was pretty good to read about my own growth and journey..and parts of it was pretty painful too, still. It was all part of my quest to honor the past year and to recognise the work I have done, take a moment to reflect on it and then to think about the coming year and my hopes and dreams for it. I want to share the questions with you...incase you are looking for an opportunity to reflect on the past year and pat yourself on the back for it before moving into next year. If you feel like sharing your answers, or any part of them, drop me a comment....I would love to read.

Here they are:

1.How is where you are in life today different from where you were last December?

2.How are you different today, internally, than you were a year ago?

3. Of all you've experienced in the past year, what are you the most proud of?

4.What did you shy away from in 2008 that you wish you'd gone for?

5.What did you learn about yourself this year?

6.Who impacted your life the most this past year?

7.What are the most important lessons you learned in 2008 that you want to be conscious of in 2009?

8.What are you being called to next in your personal growth?

9.If you could create three things in your life the coming year, what would they be?

10.What parts of yourself will you need to call upon to create those three things with wild success in 2009?

Enjoy the journey mates....

Now, back to the Malbec and the pretty blue lights.

xxM

Xmas CD Special!!

So mates, I have put together a last minute xmas present deal for those of you still looking for Xmas presents.

Available until January 1st, 2009 I am selling cds directly from me...which means you can get them signed and mailed to your favourite gift receiving person. ALSO..I will even throw in a handmade Xmas card signed from me AND you..to the recipient. Below are four deals for you to choose from - they include CD's and Poetry books.....all come with a handmade Xmas card!

Get your order in NOW so I can get them out to your mates in time!

xxM

ps..drop me a line if you would like to add a tshirt to your order. I have a limited quantity of XL & L 'I quit the band now I just play with myself' tshirts that I can also put into your order for an extra $15 plus an extra $2 shipping.

All these are US only sorry.

All cds will be mailed to the one person, please specify who that is and their shipping address in the paypal notes section

CD Quantities

1 CD & Xmas Card $17.00 2 Cds & Xmas Card $30.00 3 Cds & Xmas Card $45.00 1 CD & 1 Signed Poetry Book & Xmas Card $25.00

Mexican LA style

So me and my girl are minding our own business at the local Mexican restaurant, drinking margaritas and being all happy. Noticing all these musicians walk in with their instruments, but not thinking too much of it.

Until suddenly.

BANG!

This bloody million piece big band starts to play in the back room. Its making us want to dance all romantic like with each other. Might be the tequila effect or just love in the air...

The Glen Roberts big band is who it be. And they are rather good, even with tequila. It makes us want to dance and gaze lovingly into each others eyes. Oh dear, I am a soppy in love kind of person.

Xxm

Here We Go...

xmas is here....well, almost here....again.

I am sitting here making xmas cards and wrapping presents. Trying to get it all done now so I don't freak out like the rest of the country two days before, when I realize I don't have enough presents.

If I could...I would make every present I give. THAT would take some planning. As it is, I have made a few and am making all my cards at least...but one year, I am definitely going to JUST give presents I have made.

Right now though, I am up to my ears in stars and glitter....and my brain is brimming with ideas of things I want to do......

xxM

Watermelon Faces....

This is my nephew, Ethan. He likes watermelon....you wouldn't know it from this photo though. I think this might be the 'please don't take my photo' face...or the 'grrr...I am being scarey' face...or maybe just the 'I just did a poo face'...at least, that's what mine looks like usually.

I am missing out on seeing my family this xmas, first time in 8 years I haven't been back in Jan/Feb or thereabouts. Mostly it's because my visa has to be renewed next year and I have to fly back to Australia to pick it up, which means a trip towards the end of the year but it's also coz of the fear surrounding this economy right now. I really try hard to find the balance between being educated and buying into fear. For about 12 years now I have been a full time musician and earnt a living from being creative...and the universe has looked after me the whole way. So...why would it stop now (telling myself that too). Anyway, I miss my family a lot and know that I am missing out on my niece and nephews growing up. That's a fine line too. Fortunately, my family get what I do and why I do it and are supportive of it. But still...there's the missing to deal with. I just wanted to put this photo of him up because I love looking at him...and his face made me laugh. And because I miss him.

I am in planning mode right now. I went for a huge long bike ride yesterday and stopped for a few hours in between to write about plans and visions and dreams with my sweetheart...just to get it all out on paper and start making it real. Great new ideas for next year....new recordings...new merchandise....new web thingys... and of course moving to LA has opened up a whole world of film/tv song placement opportunities, which I am excited about. There's no sleeping on this job....or for anyone that is self employed for that matter. Every morning we have to get up and work out what the next part of the job looks like..where it goes next, how it survives and thrives and continues to grow. Well....we all have to do that I suppose, at least personally.

So...back to gazing on the beauty of da kid and letting my kid out to dream.

xxM

To my Midwest Mates...

We thought of you today as we were buying cycling shorts (you know, the padded ass kind...mmm...sexy). We played dress ups in the store with you in mind, freezing your asses off over there. From us here where the temperature is 76 degrees, with lots of love...

xxm

Oh...

And check out the new page I have on the new magazine style website; ' Go Get Your Girl On' here: http://www.gogetyourgirlon.com/martinelocke.asp a cd review will be up soon too!

xxM

The Things I Love About...

creating home...a nest...a place to be and grow and relax in and create in and live and love in.

I am such a nomad in some ways, but at least half of me loves to nest.

A little over half right now.....

I love to create a space that is warm and comfortable and inviting. A haven for me and the ones that I love. Filled with original artwork and creations all around....supporting other artists who inspire me (and not one piece of my own artwork is on the walls right now...that is adorning OTHER peoples walls). I love to have warm colors around me and candles...lots of candles. I love to have good books and good music and instruments and paper to write ideas on........or just little love notes.

I don't like to have avocados around me. I hate that infact. It makes me want to puke.

I also don't let mean people into my nest. Or people that are shitheads.

I like to have nice smells...but not too overpowering in a patchouli kind of way. I like to have fresh food and fresh vegetables. Infact, I like to create a garden too (and am already trying to work out where the first crop of veggies can go). I really like being able to gather home grown things (and am grateful for the two orange and one lemon tree out the back...and even the two grapefruit trees even though I don't like grapefruit...to eat, I like it to drink....weird, I know).

And I love to have photos and to create a place where I can see the people that I love and who love me, each day. We are working on a photo wall in our studio here in Burbank...and it's a work in progress that will probably change as we are moved or as the photos that are up there fall down (this is CA after all, the land of many tremors). This is not a very good photo of the photos, but it gives you an idea.

I don't really know why I tell you all this. It's almost midnight here and I have spent all day working with my love on our nest...and it's been a lot of fun in a tired body kind of way.

What are your favorite ways to make a nest? I wonder......

Okay, so....back to nesting......or maybe just sleeping now.

xxM

The 'last' supper...

So, this is a crew of my mates in IL...we had dinner together in front of the fire on Monday night and then played silly buggers getting all kinds of photos. I love this one! It makes me laugh. We titled it 'The Last Supper'.

This photo has my house mates in Brookfield, Sharon & Patty; my mate Annemarie; Me; Dionne; my mate and fellow bike rider KC; and mates and house concert booker Lee & Sarah.

I especially like the crooked photos on the wall....that was already there.

Anyway...back here in Burbank, CA....I am trying to breathe and not get overwhelmed by the unpacking job ahead and the talk of the economy and how people are being affected. Trying to not get scared about what that will mean for this little Aussie (who can only work in this country through music...visa requirement). And enjoying the sun and being able to get outside and ride my bike, and of course, find a groove with my sweet love as we create our life together.

So...with that in mind, off I go to cook dinner.....mmmmm.....spaghetti bog is sounding good (lol....to us Aussies of course).

xxM

And so....

It comes full circle. Funny the way life happens and moves and changes. I sit here with Dionne getting ready for the flight back to CA and think on the way the circle is completed. Said see ya later to my mates Sharon and Patti and Kathleen this morning, people I will miss dearly, and sit here ready and excited for the next adventure...well, this IS the adventure...NOW.

Xxm

Ps shout out to tink and her mum, sending good thoughts out your way mate.

Ahh pretty...subtitled...this blows

So, there is part of snow that is beautiful...and serene and perfect.

But then there's the part of it that looks like this:


given my limited experience in snow, it took me 20 minutes this morning to work out how to unthaw the doors enough to actually get in...and that really only happened after I was able to pry the back hatch open and climb up into the front. I think I am a baby when it comes to snow. But fuck that shit......how the hell can anyone do anything in this weather?? LOL.... I applaud those of you who live in this hell and can still work out how to go outside.

My sweetheart changed her plane ticket to fly home with me tomorrow...I am feeling a little poorly in a vomitus kind of a way and I am sure that, combined with my babying about the snow, caused her to do it. Whatever the reason....I am happy.

Today...in this snow...we are heading to fedex to ship the rest of my belongings back to California. This is my last flight for this year and I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. Bring on 2009 I say...

xxM

Snow!

So, even though I am very happy to not be spending the next 3-4months in this, I was rather excited to wake up this morning and see the snow falling....from the comfort of my warm and yummy bed of course. I think that's the best snow in the world....the kind you experience from bed.

We are driving back up to Chicago right now to meet a crew of friends at my favourite Irish pub, the Irish Times.

The first weekend I arrived in Chicago in March, I met mates at this pub (some of whom are coming tonight too), in this weather, to eat and drink and be merry together. Now I meet them, and other new great mates, on my last weekend here in Chicago. Its been a strange circle and a number of these people have been here at various points to witness it. All I need now is Tory from Michigan and Julie and Kimberley from San Fran and Deb, Jem & Jane from Australia and all the people who have intimately witnessed my journey over the last 8 months would be all together to celebrate with me.

I have a lot to celebrate.

My sweet love sits beside me as we drive. Her hand touching mine. She is as excited to meet them as they are to meet her....and for some reason it makes me feel so proud to know that they already love her, as she loves them. Its a great sign, I believe, when the people you love and who love you...love the person you are loving.

Anyway, I am pondering all this as we drive. My moment in the snow before I head back to CA on Tuesday.

Happy Sunday mates!

Xxm

The state...of 'things

Sitting here in Fishers, Indiana at Tylers estate sale. Its always interesting to witness peoples process around the after death time. Sorting out belongings, trying to guess meanings of things that are left behind.

I have been through this a few times before and yet I still have moments where I realize again, that we can't take any of this with us. All of us will have our belongings put out for other people to fight over and sort through and finally be offered a buck for...then it goes to the next pair of hands and the same thing happens again. So much time and energy is wasted getting the 'things'. No one gives a shit how much things are worth, or how much time and sweat went into getting these things....all they care about is how much change out of a dollar. Our essence isn't carried in or by these things.

Anyway, I hate estate sales...I like going to them, but I hate running them or being involved in them. Its just all 'stuff' that passes from one set of hands to the next.

Xxm

Ps....it almost snowed today...it was pretty exciting

The View From Here..

You can't fully see the clouds.....but the sky in Indiana was beautiful tonight.

We have Tyler's estate sale on all weekend...crazy to watch people barter down from $1 to 50 cents for something that has far more meaning to the person selling it, than it does to the person buying it.

Back to the clouds..

xxm

Thankfulness

Its thanksgiving today here in the USA and we are down in Indianapolis with D's family to celebrate and be together. Its a tough thanksgiving,given that its the first holiday without Tyler. This was actually meant to be the first official time Tyler and I met in person. We had planned thanksgiving down here about 8 weeks ago....I still remember d asking me to come down here with her, in a nervous 'first' kinda way.

We are sitting out the back in the cold...you know, that cold that makes all your bits wake up and quiver. Playing music and having moments of great sadness. I look at my love and see the deep sadness in her eyes and it makes my heart ache. To try to take this away from her...not my place, but its what I wish sometimes.

I sit and think on the things I am thankful about and then I took this photo. Literally a second later, I took another and the sun rays you see in this shot, were gone. She looked up and said 'hi Ty'.... Makes me weep just thinking about it...

I am thankful for her. For her love, for the beauty, the inspiration, the way my heart has been healed and moved...and for the fun, the immense laughter we share and even the heart ache that has come from being this close to tylers passing this past month.

Every day, I am thankful.

And I am thankful for you sweet readers....for the love and encouragement you send and have sent my way this year. I remember distinctly where I was this time last year....and I am grateful, even more so, for now.

Xxm

How is this so?

I heard 6 months ago from a big dude at Exxon that fuel would come back down to what it was around election time. It annoys the shit out of me that they know that, that they plan that, that they continue to make a bazillion dollars out of all of us in between times. This is how expensive fuel was when I first started touring the Midwest, what, 4 years ago?

Grateful in a, 'you bastards could have done this a long time ago', kinda way.

Xxm

On the way

This is the view driving down 65 south to Indianapolis for Thanksgiving. Picked up my girl from the airport in Chicago, wrapped up snuggly in the mustang with a big smile on my face.

And I am thankful...

xxm

And now for something...

Completely different....

I just started a new group on facebook (I also have a music page there should you be interested in joining that group). This group is called 'I HATE Pikes Place Coffee'.....it's the standard coffee that Starbucks is now brewing and it's shit. Everyone I know hates it...so...I started this to try to get them to listen and am aiming for a bazillion members!! lol...

Join here (requires a facebook account)....

Picture to come momentarily...

xxM

New Poetry Book Available Online

The New Poetry Book is Now Available Online!

Many thanks for all your support of the new poems, all the great feedback and encouragement. They are finally available for purchase online for only $8 plus $2usd shipping and handling - orders outside the US, please add $4 for s&h.

Each book is handmade, signed and numbered and contains a selection of 18 poems including: you bring out the FUCK YOU in me, only a lover, kingdom of half truths, grace, the bystander, oscar winning heart, ode to the shi fli mo, glimmer (not previously published online) and others!

Pay for you booklet through paypal....we love them

El Tour de Tucson

This is my mate and riding buddy, KC....we have ridden a lot of miles together over this past year...miles which kept us both going and moving forward in the midst of hard times. She JUST finished the 109 miles in the Tour de Tucson and we are all totally proud of her...I want to do the ride with her next year.

She also put Tyler's name on her jersey...which made us all cry...here it is:

Inspiring mate - we are all proud of you!

xxM

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This WILL make you cry...

Keith Olberman Speaks Out On Prop 8 - and asks supporters of prop 8 how they can reconcile their actions and beliefs. Stop Prop 8 - www.jointheimpact.com

It's a pretty amazing monologue against an unfair, unjust and just damn wrong proposition.

xxm

Okay....

So, it will be more like 'see you later on, like in a few months'....to the Midwest....not so much a final 'bye'.

Unless of course there is snow....and then its bye bye....double even.

Xxm

Scrabble....

My mates Paulie and Angie sent this photo from Indianapolis...they were playing scrabble and this really was one of their words...and they thought of me. Ahh....tis good to be thought of.

I am getting ready to head to the airport again this morning. Flying into Chicago for a show and to pack up my stuff, move my furniture, hang out with my good mates and then meet my girl to drive to Indiana for thanksgiving. I am so over flying. My body is tired from it. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the performance opportunities and the love opportunities I have had at the end of those flights...but I am done for a little while. I have two more flights for the year and then I get to stay close to home until my next tour back to the Midwest in March. Most of my tours between now and then are drive tours....around this area, which also means D can come with me.

I am excited about this next phase in my life...seeing where it leads, what it presents. The possibilities, personally and professionally, to develop and grow and have adventures excites me. I have good mates over this way, people that I call family, and in a city that's renowned for isolation...I feel fortunate that making friends is something that I can do and like doing. And of course, I have my sweet love...who is a gift to me in so many ways and who I am thrilled to explore life with.

But I am also sad to be saying bye to my mates in the Midwest that I saw regularly....even the ones that I would just see more often than I use to. I am also a little sad to be leaving the Midwest actually. I have bonded with that area over this past year and know that the sadness I feel is my moment of grieving it (of course, ask me about that again tonight when I land in Chicago and freeze my ass off...or can't go out for my bike ride because it's too cold). If we believe everything happens for a reason (the jury is still a little out for me on that one...about 5% of the jury, the other 95% believes it)..then the past 9 months of my life in the Midwest was a pivotal time in my growth and I am sure I still don't understand how that time will effect me in years to come.

Aside from the part of the story where I had my heart ripped out and jumped on, I have had some fun fun times, met some amazing people, deepened friendships with people there that will continue on, played some great shows, ridden a lot of miles, written some good (and scathingly good) poems and songs, seen more of the country, gardened, gotten to know myself better and am grateful for all of that. Especially because I do believe, 100%, that it is because of all of that...that I am even here, in this place, right here, right now....in my life. I thank everyone of those folks out that way that I call friend...you know who you are. I love ya's.

And now...LAX is calling me. Two more flights...that's it Mardi...just two more....you can do it.

xxM

Somewhere....Out There

Every day, anywhere from 2-6 hours a day it seems, there is someone living in one of these buildings (which is right behind our house in Burbank) who practices violin. Sometimes the same piece a few times over, sometimes I can recognize the tunes from one day to the next. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and the mystery violin player is already playing...sometimes I will be doing something through my day and just stop and realize that he/she is playing again. Sometimes it's fast, sometimes its slow and mournful, sometimes it's happy and cheerful.

But, it's the most beautiful violin playing you have ever heard.

Most times, I have to stop myself from going window to window to see if I can find who it is and stand below their window and clap...feeling like I am somehow privy to the most beautiful performance ever in the whole world.

I have found my heart touched by the playing...my self inspired by the level of dedication to their art...mostly I have found myself breathing a sigh of relief for a moment...aware of beauty and peace and light and love.

Wherever you are, mystery violin player, thank you...

xxM

The Rise Of the Phoenix

Here is the tattoo that Dionne got whilst in Indianapolis last week (sorry, I said I was going to post it that day and got caught up in the day...thanks for the reminder!!). It's a phoenix and is one that she was going to get before Tyler's passing as it carried significance for her...it carries even more now.

I am sure you know, but the wikipedia says this about the Phoenix : "near the end of it's life, the phoenix builds itself a nest of cinnamon twigs that it then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again." It's often been used as a symbol of rebirth, of being reborn through adversity, through fire.

I re-met Dionne pretty much 12 months ago this month (we first met 3 years prior). Our meeting and friendship developed through a series of events that were as painful for me, as they were for her 18 months earlier. Events that we both wished never happened..that we both wished could be erased from us and our lives forever. Events that astounded and amazed both of us in a 'how the hell' kinda way. But they were also events that we found a bond, a sisterhood, a friendship, a healing in. I think falling in love with each other was as much a surprise to her, as it was to me. But what a sweet sweet, wonderful surprise.

I have witnessed her transition over the past 12 months, as I have witnessed my own, and can tell you that the person I know now is not the person I met 12 months ago. She has indeed risen up through the ashes of the fire she created, and that was created, to be re-born as the person she wanted to be...as the person she knew she could be. Passionate, thoughtful, motivated, funny as all, excited about her future, trustworthy, honest, conscious, creative, positive, present, up for any adventure, feels deeply, thinks intently, loves wonderfully....

Oh, I know...I know......I am biased......

I wake up every morning.....look at her....and smile.

This past month has taken that re-birth to a whole new depth in so many ways. And all I can say, is that I am incredibly proud of her. I feel incredibly fortunate to be the one to stand next to her, with her, through it all. I am blessed to love and be loved by her.

So...here is her phoenix. The mark she uses to signify that journey for herself, in the same breath as honoring her wonderful brother and who he was to her.

xxm

The World Is On Fire....

This is the view from the plane flying into LA today. I heard a report that 100 homes have been lost and I am sure those numbers will go higher. The sky down here on the ground is dark and shadowy...

We went from 30 degrees in Indiana to 80 degrees in Arizona to 90 degrees here in LA. The closer I got, the more clothes I took off. Had a fun night in indy last night....started with greek food and ended with good mates and my girl on the dance floor letting off some steam...big lovie shout outs to Paulie and Angie who took us into their home with wide opened hearts and become great mates along the way.

xxm

part 3