Cogito Ergo Periculosus

Cogito Ergo Periculosus = I think, therefore I am dangerous

I have always thought that phrase should be changed to 'over think'....I recently saw that phrase again, on Ty's myspace page to be exact, and it reminded me about our (my) ability to 'over think'.

That's always when I get into trouble.

When I have pulled something apart in my brain to the point that there are no more parts to 'pull apart' and still, I don't get it. I think sometimes that there are somethings we can't get...we just can't..and we aren't meant to.

I hate that.....

I feel like my year has been full of it...up till now it mostly started with, 'why the hell would someone DO that'...or 'why would someone actually CHOOSE to BE that way'.....now it's just 'why did that happen'. And like the former question, there may never be an answer...and somewhere along the way, acceptance of the inability to answer the question has to come. OR IT WILL DRIVE ME CRAZY...and you know, the world don't need anymore crazy singer/songwriters.

I laid in bed this morning and talked to my mate Tory up in Michigan. We were talking about love and the falling in....the beauty of that......the gratefulness for honesty after experiencing lying nastiness so painfully.....the rightness and knowingness, the beauty of real love when it comes.......the sweetness of it and the women we love and have fallen in love with. I was telling her about how this year I have had to learn to not try to beat the answers out so much...to have the faith that they will come at the right time..to continue to be active and to use my brain and my abilities to keep moving forward, but to find a deeper sense of trust and faith that the universe will provide, will present and will take care. It's been a fucking hard lesson sometimes and she has most definitely witnessed my process around that many times (so I wasn't telling her anything she probably didn't already know...sure it was more about me just saying it out loud and hearing my own process around it...know how that happens?).

Anyway...I think what I am realizing is that thinking is good..it's great...it's awesome...it's an amazing ability that we have.

But so is having faith...and trust.

And choosing to not over think but to allow the former words to be balanced by the later....to not let past experiences with fucked up ones destroy our desire to grow and to continue to practice all three (thinking...having faith...and trusting) because if we do allow those things to stop because of those experiences...then we give those people so much power and so much of who we are and our potential experience in the world, that they just don't deserve.

AND even worse....if we become that closed, that wounded, that cynical about it all, we miss out on amazing opportunities in this life. Opportunities to experience real love and real faith and real trust and real beauty and real honesty, and even grief and heartbreak and healing on so many levels.

My year has changed me in those ways and I am grateful.

These are my Thursday morning thoughts in chilly Indiana...and I press send before I over think it all....(haha, so I still have some learning to do in that department too).

xxM