Goodbye 2008...welcome 2009

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"~ Joseph Campbell

I cried when I first read this quote.....those straight from your heart and out your eyes kind of tears.

2008 has been such a big year in the life and heart of this little Aussie and I believe I have been grappling with the lesson this quote is trying to share with us. I think 2008 broke me in ways I haven't been broken before..deep, personal, life altering kinda ways...but it also rebuilt me in ways I have wished for in the past and wondered how to achieve. (footnote to self...be careful what you wish for).

My year in a nutshell went something like this:

- moved into a new place in Emeryville, CA
- finished recording my new cd
- missed my family like crazy
- went to Australia for a month to visit family and do shows
- lost my luggage for 6 days whilst there
- came back to the US and left my home and community of 8 years and moved to Chicago
- got involved with a pathological liar who somehow got under my radar and stomped my heart hard (although not so much under the radar of mates that met her along the way)
- learned I probably need to listen to my mates a little more
- understood for a moment the concept of hating
- and then understood how destructive to self that hate can be
- learned about boundaries and when to put them up and hold them up real tight
- I learned how to bounce someones emails
- started to listen to my own intuition more
- built a new website
- released my new amazing cd
- experienced living in some version of snow for the first time ever
- built my first snow kangaroo
- experienced anxiety attacks for the first time
- stopped eating because of aforementioned anxiety attacks
- took anti anxiety medication (all 20 of them) (not at once of course) for the first time and felt better
- stopped having anxiety attacks and stopped taking it
- played some great shows...festivals and house concerts
- played with some great people
- got fit
- hung out with great mates
- created a garden
- toured through some new towns
- got to know some old friends again
- made a new community and was enveloped in the beautiful arms of my existing one
- felt truly blessed by the people that found me
- found my love of cycling again
- wrote a shit load of poems
- released my first poetry chapbook
- played shows with more passion, energy, vulnerability and truth than ever before
- wrote some great new tunes
- met new, wonderful people
- watched audience turn out increase around the country
- learnt me better
- had my heart and soul swept away by an amazing, beautiful, honest woman
- fell madly in love with her
- stood by my love as she tragically lost her beautiful little brother
- had my heart broken as I mourned the loss of a man I didn't know and now will never know
- fell in love some more
- moved back to California to be with her
- said 'yes' but 'ask me again' in a few months
- made new friends in LA and re-established relationships with old, very dear, ones
- started recording a new cd
- got creative in a whole pile of new and interesting ways
- learned about trusting again
- got to spend another year doing what I love, being connected with the people I love, by the songs and stories that I love

In all honesty, there are a few things I would change about this year if I could..but I also know that all those things combined have brought me to where I am and made me who I am this year...so...if I truly believe things happen for a reason then, even if I don't fully understand it all, I have to also believe that everything had to happen in its time to bring me here.

And for that...and for your support, friendship, belief and love....

I am thankful.

Wishing you love, honesty, peace, creativity and another year of journey and this thing we call life.

xxM

Winter in CA

In all its glory....

Xxm

Boredom and all other moments of nothingness

Okay, so I confess. I get crazy making bored sometimes. I love to work. I love to be out on the road and doing my thing, playing music, interacting.

When I am not...and just hanging out, I get silly bored sometimes.

I try to pick up my guitar and write, I try to read, I try to knit, I try to just be, I try to make things and be creative, I try to go outside and walk..but then there's just sometimes when I just get bored and nothing sounds particularly good. If I had a mate who lived around the corner, I would go hang out with them right now..that would be fun right now (where are you KC and why do YOU live so far away right now?! lol). But I don't. My mates here in LA all live miles away in traffuck and I am still getting the hang of this city and what I do here when I am not working or hanging out with my sweetheart or doing all these other things that keep my brain entertained. It's all good, but this is just a moment of boredom confession (and no, I don't really need suggestions of what to do, coz I do have them myself...just making sure I am not alone in my random moments of boredom).

I just realized this as sat here and watched the repair man put our heating/air conditioner thing back together (he tried to fix it and couldn't).

Here he is:



SEE how bored I am?!

xxM

footnote....the airconditioner man isn't actually as wide as this photo makes him look, I will have to remember that.

The View From Here...

We hiked up Wildwood Canyon park today in an attempt to get out of the house (and away from our new 32" HD TV that Santa brought us) (and blue ray dvd player) (slobber)...and actually do some exercise. Exercise has been rather lacking over this way in a 'all gooey in love and all I want to do is gaze into your eyes and never go outside' kinda way. Funny considering I was riding almost 100 miles a week....I will get back to some version of that SOON..I know I will. This is just a moment and the moment will change and become a different moment...soon. Oh.....now. No...now. I mean.....

Anyway, we huffed and puffed as we walked and ran straight up the hill and then ran down the other side of the bloody HUGE mountain...we got to the bottom, all sweaty and tired, and looked at each other and started back up again. Not sure why really..I think it was a moment of delirium that comes with oxygen inhalation. We got to the top again and I was looking up at my sweetheart as she caught her breath and took this photo. She doesn't like it so much, but I liked the dreamer feeling it gave me...the 'on top of the world' flavor. The 'I can do anything' feeling that I feel when I look at it. It inspires me.

Then we ran down the side we started all sweaty and laughing (and breathing hard) and felt better knowing that we took ourselves out of our blubber-ness and gave our bods what we needed. And then tomorrow, we will just do it again....

Ahh...but for now, back to gazing...

xxM

xmas day...

Us...on one of those walks you do in the vain attempt at keeping some of the calories away on xmas day.

It didn't work...

xxM

Lovely....

This made me cry and inspired me to want to live EVEN more creatively than I do.

To be exposed to the world and open to the journey of creativity..just to see where it leads.

In the last week of 2008 I have been reflecting a lot on the past year. Thinking about my goals and dreams for 2009 but also thinking on the things I am grateful to leave behind in it, on the things that I am thank-filled for and the hard hard lessons I have learn't this year. The friends I have made, the new love I have, the quest for wholeness and honesty and only what brings good into my life and the lives of others. I have been inspired, and touched and reached out to and soothed and loved on by new and old, very dear, friends. I have said goodbye to some things and some people and good riddance to others. I have said hello to many wonderful wonderful wonderful souls and experiences. And I have said 'NO FUCKING WAY'...many times...in good and bad ways.

I have traveled and played music and hung out with mates. Stayed in peoples houses,become a part of their world for a moment and sometimes longer than a moment. I have had my heart broken and rebuilt again. I have been deceived and found faith in truth and people again. I have written and created and sung and played and drawn and crafted and designed and dreamt. I have lost 27 pounds and recently found some of that again (doah). I have moved twice...to two new cities.

I still have curly hair.

I still love what I do and feel outrageously blessed to do what I do. I released a new cd and started another one. I got to see a few new cities in this country and played some new festivals and in some new peoples homes. I released my first poetry chapbook. I found a whole new level of creativity, that I thought was there...but wasn't sure.

This year, I laughed harder than I ever have but also cried harder.

And because of all of this, I am different. My heart will never be the same.

So, now I leave you with this 7 minutes of lovely inspiration. Did it make you cry too? Did it scare you? (it scared me a little in a 'oh, I could never come up with anything like that' kinda way). Did it excite you and make you just want to DO IT?

Here you go lovely's....and thank you.

xxM

To you and yours...from me and mine

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

The Problem For Gays...

Great article in Time Magazine about President-Elect Obama's choice of minister for the inauguration ceremony in January. It's created a pretty big shit storm over this way, given the insult a lot of gay people who supported him are feeling has been directed at them by his choice. The link for the article, incase you are interested: TIME. Well worth a read...

xxM

Studio Angles

Recording the song 'never been the same'...this pic captures the moody, dark, angry flavor of the song perfectly.

Xxm

The View From Here...

this is the view walking back to my house tonight.....it wasn't raining....which made me happy.

If you were standing next to me though, you would hear: a bazillion birds who are singing happily either because it has stopped raining and they aren't shivering anymore, or because it rained and now everything is clean. A helicopter, looking for someone. One of those ice cream trucks with the annoying song that stays in your head for days. The din of traffic from the main road. Kids laughing hard inside a house somewhere. The slap of my running shoe as it hit the ground. Water running down a drain pipe somewhere. Either a kid or a little dog barking. The beeping of a truck as it backs up. The splash of a car going through a puddle of water. A dog howling for it's owner to come home. Another helicopter. The squeak of a gate as it opens.

Funny thing is, I don't consider here to be a very noisy place. Especially not after living in the middle of San Francisco for 7 years. But I realize more and more how things just past us by...we are in our own little head spaces and we miss so much. At least I do. I should talk first person. I miss out on so much because I am thinking about 'later' way too much. Today, I closed my eyes and listened for a moment and this is what I heard....all in just ONE moment.

And I was grateful.

xxM

what you don't want to see

after hours of preparing caramel brownie crunch....

cat paws in the caramel...

Xmas and all...

We went to D's work xmas party on Saturday night. It was a pretty tame affair until we had all consumed alcohol and a group of us ended up at a gay club called 'Oil Can Harrys'. There we danced and drank vodka in iridescent glasses and hung out with lots of beautiful gay boys. It was a lot of fun. I liked that I could love on my sweetheart with no one barely batting an eye lid..and quite honestly, when people do notice, I don't even notice them noticing and am usually quite surprised later to learn of their stares. For some reason, I think touching and loving on the woman I love is the most natural thing in the world for me to do and I forget that sometimes people have a problem with it. The times when I do catch someones eye as they are staring horrified, I usually just smile gently at them and hold their stare...quite honestly, as if to say, 'oh, you poor thing'.

I am happy to report that all my xmas shopping is all done....check out www.etsy.com if you like to buy one of a kind pieces of art for people. I adore the site and have bought most of my presents from there. D and I are going to set up a store on their over the new years and start selling our 'other creative' wares. She takes amazing photographs and sketches and we have been quite crafty together over the holidays...making cards and stuff for friends. It's all part of the quest of having a creative life..and what that looks like in it's wholeness. I think sometimes being creative just involves us not being scared to try something. To let the creative flow out of us and not stop it with our judgements or insecurities.

Anyway, these are my monday ponderings. It's chilly here in SoCal...but it was nice to lay in bed throughout the night and listen to the rain fall on the roof..and then of course, to wake up and everything be all fresh and clean. Love that.

10 days till xmas mates.....damn, where the hell has this year gone?

xxM

Only in LA

Almost full moon. Film advertising. All in one breath.
Xxm

Recording...

Dionne laying down a vocal track for Fall From Grace....re-write.

Xxm

Foley props

This is the Foley prop room, where they store all the bits they use when re-recording sounds. Hmm...crutches, I wonder what sound they make.

Xxm

Recording day...

Today, we begin recording. This is a mixed recording session. Going to record the song that D sang at Tylers memorial service (which will be available as a digital download) and then start on the acoustic tunes that I will put on a acoustic CD to release next year. D and her co worker, Brooke, are engineering the project here at Chase sound in Burbank. We are recording on what is normally used as their Foley stage (Foley sound is all the noises you hear on movies....they go in later and re-record things like footsteps etc).

Anyway, here we go!!

Xxm

De - lights, De - lights

These are the lights in our apartment that we put up today (I referenced it in the twitter update thingy on the side over there....(to the right)...i like twitter). I just cracked a bottle of Malbec and am sitting here in the twilight in Burbank, looking at the lights. I like lights. I would keep them up for always coz I like the ambiance they create.

Xmas celebrations go into full steam this weekend with work parties, mates parties and then the big week of xmas-new years....AND I begin recording on Saturday. I know...crazy and last minute it seems but this is the beginning of a new all acoustic cd that I will plan to release by Spring next year. Dionne sang a new version of Fall From Grace at her bro's memorial service a few weeks back and it was so divinely beautiful that we decided it needed to be recorded. So...we start with that and 'Never Been The Same'....my new 'fuck you' song. If' you've been at a show lately, you've heard it, along with the tale that goes with it.

Anyway...I feel like there is a lot to celebrate this holiday season. I remember where I was this time last year and am so grateful to be done with that time that I want to celebrate twice as hard this year. I answered 10 questions yesterday about the past year and where I was and how I am different this year....it was pretty good to read about my own growth and journey..and parts of it was pretty painful too, still. It was all part of my quest to honor the past year and to recognise the work I have done, take a moment to reflect on it and then to think about the coming year and my hopes and dreams for it. I want to share the questions with you...incase you are looking for an opportunity to reflect on the past year and pat yourself on the back for it before moving into next year. If you feel like sharing your answers, or any part of them, drop me a comment....I would love to read.

Here they are:

1.How is where you are in life today different from where you were last December?

2.How are you different today, internally, than you were a year ago?

3. Of all you've experienced in the past year, what are you the most proud of?

4.What did you shy away from in 2008 that you wish you'd gone for?

5.What did you learn about yourself this year?

6.Who impacted your life the most this past year?

7.What are the most important lessons you learned in 2008 that you want to be conscious of in 2009?

8.What are you being called to next in your personal growth?

9.If you could create three things in your life the coming year, what would they be?

10.What parts of yourself will you need to call upon to create those three things with wild success in 2009?

Enjoy the journey mates....

Now, back to the Malbec and the pretty blue lights.

xxM

Xmas CD Special!!

So mates, I have put together a last minute xmas present deal for those of you still looking for Xmas presents.

Available until January 1st, 2009 I am selling cds directly from me...which means you can get them signed and mailed to your favourite gift receiving person. ALSO..I will even throw in a handmade Xmas card signed from me AND you..to the recipient. Below are four deals for you to choose from - they include CD's and Poetry books.....all come with a handmade Xmas card!

Get your order in NOW so I can get them out to your mates in time!

xxM

ps..drop me a line if you would like to add a tshirt to your order. I have a limited quantity of XL & L 'I quit the band now I just play with myself' tshirts that I can also put into your order for an extra $15 plus an extra $2 shipping.

All these are US only sorry.

All cds will be mailed to the one person, please specify who that is and their shipping address in the paypal notes section

CD Quantities

1 CD & Xmas Card $17.00 2 Cds & Xmas Card $30.00 3 Cds & Xmas Card $45.00 1 CD & 1 Signed Poetry Book & Xmas Card $25.00

Mexican LA style

So me and my girl are minding our own business at the local Mexican restaurant, drinking margaritas and being all happy. Noticing all these musicians walk in with their instruments, but not thinking too much of it.

Until suddenly.

BANG!

This bloody million piece big band starts to play in the back room. Its making us want to dance all romantic like with each other. Might be the tequila effect or just love in the air...

The Glen Roberts big band is who it be. And they are rather good, even with tequila. It makes us want to dance and gaze lovingly into each others eyes. Oh dear, I am a soppy in love kind of person.

Xxm

Here We Go...

xmas is here....well, almost here....again.

I am sitting here making xmas cards and wrapping presents. Trying to get it all done now so I don't freak out like the rest of the country two days before, when I realize I don't have enough presents.

If I could...I would make every present I give. THAT would take some planning. As it is, I have made a few and am making all my cards at least...but one year, I am definitely going to JUST give presents I have made.

Right now though, I am up to my ears in stars and glitter....and my brain is brimming with ideas of things I want to do......

xxM

Watermelon Faces....

This is my nephew, Ethan. He likes watermelon....you wouldn't know it from this photo though. I think this might be the 'please don't take my photo' face...or the 'grrr...I am being scarey' face...or maybe just the 'I just did a poo face'...at least, that's what mine looks like usually.

I am missing out on seeing my family this xmas, first time in 8 years I haven't been back in Jan/Feb or thereabouts. Mostly it's because my visa has to be renewed next year and I have to fly back to Australia to pick it up, which means a trip towards the end of the year but it's also coz of the fear surrounding this economy right now. I really try hard to find the balance between being educated and buying into fear. For about 12 years now I have been a full time musician and earnt a living from being creative...and the universe has looked after me the whole way. So...why would it stop now (telling myself that too). Anyway, I miss my family a lot and know that I am missing out on my niece and nephews growing up. That's a fine line too. Fortunately, my family get what I do and why I do it and are supportive of it. But still...there's the missing to deal with. I just wanted to put this photo of him up because I love looking at him...and his face made me laugh. And because I miss him.

I am in planning mode right now. I went for a huge long bike ride yesterday and stopped for a few hours in between to write about plans and visions and dreams with my sweetheart...just to get it all out on paper and start making it real. Great new ideas for next year....new recordings...new merchandise....new web thingys... and of course moving to LA has opened up a whole world of film/tv song placement opportunities, which I am excited about. There's no sleeping on this job....or for anyone that is self employed for that matter. Every morning we have to get up and work out what the next part of the job looks like..where it goes next, how it survives and thrives and continues to grow. Well....we all have to do that I suppose, at least personally.

So...back to gazing on the beauty of da kid and letting my kid out to dream.

xxM

To my Midwest Mates...

We thought of you today as we were buying cycling shorts (you know, the padded ass kind...mmm...sexy). We played dress ups in the store with you in mind, freezing your asses off over there. From us here where the temperature is 76 degrees, with lots of love...

xxm

Oh...

And check out the new page I have on the new magazine style website; ' Go Get Your Girl On' here: http://www.gogetyourgirlon.com/martinelocke.asp a cd review will be up soon too!

xxM

The Things I Love About...

creating home...a nest...a place to be and grow and relax in and create in and live and love in.

I am such a nomad in some ways, but at least half of me loves to nest.

A little over half right now.....

I love to create a space that is warm and comfortable and inviting. A haven for me and the ones that I love. Filled with original artwork and creations all around....supporting other artists who inspire me (and not one piece of my own artwork is on the walls right now...that is adorning OTHER peoples walls). I love to have warm colors around me and candles...lots of candles. I love to have good books and good music and instruments and paper to write ideas on........or just little love notes.

I don't like to have avocados around me. I hate that infact. It makes me want to puke.

I also don't let mean people into my nest. Or people that are shitheads.

I like to have nice smells...but not too overpowering in a patchouli kind of way. I like to have fresh food and fresh vegetables. Infact, I like to create a garden too (and am already trying to work out where the first crop of veggies can go). I really like being able to gather home grown things (and am grateful for the two orange and one lemon tree out the back...and even the two grapefruit trees even though I don't like grapefruit...to eat, I like it to drink....weird, I know).

And I love to have photos and to create a place where I can see the people that I love and who love me, each day. We are working on a photo wall in our studio here in Burbank...and it's a work in progress that will probably change as we are moved or as the photos that are up there fall down (this is CA after all, the land of many tremors). This is not a very good photo of the photos, but it gives you an idea.

I don't really know why I tell you all this. It's almost midnight here and I have spent all day working with my love on our nest...and it's been a lot of fun in a tired body kind of way.

What are your favorite ways to make a nest? I wonder......

Okay, so....back to nesting......or maybe just sleeping now.

xxM

The 'last' supper...

So, this is a crew of my mates in IL...we had dinner together in front of the fire on Monday night and then played silly buggers getting all kinds of photos. I love this one! It makes me laugh. We titled it 'The Last Supper'.

This photo has my house mates in Brookfield, Sharon & Patty; my mate Annemarie; Me; Dionne; my mate and fellow bike rider KC; and mates and house concert booker Lee & Sarah.

I especially like the crooked photos on the wall....that was already there.

Anyway...back here in Burbank, CA....I am trying to breathe and not get overwhelmed by the unpacking job ahead and the talk of the economy and how people are being affected. Trying to not get scared about what that will mean for this little Aussie (who can only work in this country through music...visa requirement). And enjoying the sun and being able to get outside and ride my bike, and of course, find a groove with my sweet love as we create our life together.

So...with that in mind, off I go to cook dinner.....mmmmm.....spaghetti bog is sounding good (lol....to us Aussies of course).

xxM

And so....

It comes full circle. Funny the way life happens and moves and changes. I sit here with Dionne getting ready for the flight back to CA and think on the way the circle is completed. Said see ya later to my mates Sharon and Patti and Kathleen this morning, people I will miss dearly, and sit here ready and excited for the next adventure...well, this IS the adventure...NOW.

Xxm

Ps shout out to tink and her mum, sending good thoughts out your way mate.

Ahh pretty...subtitled...this blows

So, there is part of snow that is beautiful...and serene and perfect.

But then there's the part of it that looks like this:


given my limited experience in snow, it took me 20 minutes this morning to work out how to unthaw the doors enough to actually get in...and that really only happened after I was able to pry the back hatch open and climb up into the front. I think I am a baby when it comes to snow. But fuck that shit......how the hell can anyone do anything in this weather?? LOL.... I applaud those of you who live in this hell and can still work out how to go outside.

My sweetheart changed her plane ticket to fly home with me tomorrow...I am feeling a little poorly in a vomitus kind of a way and I am sure that, combined with my babying about the snow, caused her to do it. Whatever the reason....I am happy.

Today...in this snow...we are heading to fedex to ship the rest of my belongings back to California. This is my last flight for this year and I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. Bring on 2009 I say...

xxM