I LOVE this sign. I want it on a tshirt. Or a tattoo...well, maybe not that permanent..but a tshirt. It made my eyes wet when I read it the first time. Standing on the shoulders of giants kinda thing....
It's 11.14pm on Friday night..and this post is a little late in the day. I am laying on my bed, drinking a beer, watching bad tv, talking to mates on facebook. Damn, when did I learn how to multi task so well. Actually, I think its one thing all creatives learn....well, at least most creatives I know, know how to multi task really well.
Why is it that TV at this time of the night is full of commercials for horror movies..which I can't watch. I have to turn the tv off everytime they come on, or turn my head away, or mute it and not look...or something, otherwise I will dream about it. Some of the horror movies out now look so damn evil, I just even for a minute understand how some one could watch them and not be affected on some level. I can STILL see images from the first Friday 13th that I went to with my then boyfriend...you can tell how long ago that was.
Or...hamburgers...which makes me as hungry as hell. I swear, I have never really liked MacDonalds..but lately......I just wanna eat big macs.
I had one of those 'brain racing' too much nights last night where I barely slept. It wasn't even so much that my brain was going over any one thing...it was just awake. I ended up on FaceBook and chatted with a mate from my churchie days in Australia. We haven't spoken for probably 8 years and at the time she was living in Perth as an out and proud minister at a church there and was an inspiration to me because of that. I know her journey hasn't been an easy one, but she continues to be herself, in all her glory.
We were talking about a mutual 'friend' (and I say that very lightly)...someone who has turned out to be a nasty piece of person. A closeted homophobe who is angry beyond belief and unbelievably unhappy with her choices but hides behind a veneer of 'happy christian' while being a nasty human along the way. She yells with the voice of 'I can be this way because I AM RIGHT and you are wrong and btw..... you are going to hell anyway'. Some of the stories I have heard of the things she has said and done use to make me really sad because she was the exact opposite of that when I knew her over 20 years ago. I use to spend time trying to work out how she became the way she is, how she chose it.
It also made me shudder to think what my life might have been like if I had've ended up with her or like her. But it mostly made me shudder because its just what the world needs; another unhappy Christian hiding who they really are behind a wall of happy clappy and arrogance, spewing hate in the name of Jesus.
I just finished reading an interview by Suze Orman in the latest HRC Equality magazine that made me cry a few times. I want to just repeat the whole thing here because it goes in line with what I believe SOOOO much. A fav part is "when you live a life of being who you really are, there really is no choice but to have power exude from you. Because you have no hidden agendas. You just are who you are. There are no veils. There are no curtains. There is nothing in front of you. You are just you.'
I ABSOLUTELY believe that and strive to live that way and to encourage and help nurture the confidence to 'be' in the people that I love and come in contact with. I want that message to always come out in my music, in my person, in my stories and adventures.
'So no matter what you do, no matter how you do it, no matter where you do it, as long as you do it with faith, intergrity and courage, anything and everything is possible'.
Yes, we are headed out to hike around the Hollywood sign. Can you say insane?
Ahhh....its a still morning though with a nice crispness in the air and we are meeting an old friend for a walk & talk. Makes it all worth it when the warmth of the people you are with is more compelling than the cold, rainyness of the weather.
This is a photo by Dionne Ward an amazingly wonderful photographer who is going to be releasing photos very soon...
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom." -Anais Nin
I watched the movie 'Crash' again this morning. What a bloody great movie. What a bloody intense movie. I looked at my sweetheart part way through it and said if that was my experience of living in LA, that I would move right away. I have seen it before but it still brought me to tears a number of times.
I know it was a movie but I also know that parts of it are some peoples realities in this world....and honestly, I am so thankful that it isn't mine. Yes I have brushed up against racism and sexism and cultural-isms but on the whole, I don't live my life angry or in fear or certain that it is going to always just 'be'. And that I have no power to change it.
It made me remember how fragile we are as people, as scarred, scared, wounded souls. It made me realize again how our interactions with each other, no matter how small or big, effect us. How we have a conscious choice each and every moment to have a positive effect on someone....or a negative one. It's our decision. I thought about that a little yesterday as the Armenian lady in my laundromat, who is a little pushy and crabby most of the time, walked past me and caught my eye...and I consciously decided at that moment to just smile at her...a smile in my eyes as well as in my lips. And I saw her eyes soften for a moment.
We are but fragile souls looking for safe connection....a safe place to be ourselves...to be loved and heard and acknowledged. We can provide that for others every moment of every day of our lives. If we so choose.
Its a rainy Wednesday here in Burbank, I am still in shorts but a little chilly in a 'nice to be chilly' kinda way. 1 1/2 cups of coffee into my day that started in a swirl of mental activity.
Where to tour next ; how to work and book 4 months ahead; how to maintain where I have toured and break new ground; how not to be tired of being turned down by festivals and venues and how to continue to not take it personally when people can't even be bothered responding to you; how to continue to expand my creative world (new hand stamped silver necklaces are the latest creative task) whilst continuing to book tours; how to continue to bring in enough income; when to sit and wait it out and when to push hard; how to create a passionate creative life with my sweetheart with both of us being fulfilled and excited by that life; how to travel and where to travel next; how not to get overwhelmed with all the 'how to's'.
Every day when I get up I am responsible for working out the next part...the next job....the next dollar...the next idea. The up side of that is that I get to create the exact life I want, on my terms. The down side of it is that no one else is going to tell me what to do and where (or is that an upside too?) and that sometimes being the master of my destiny gets tiring.
I have been trying to teach myself, this past year, to trust in the 'great plan' the 'universe' and the idea that everything happens at the right time, in the right place whilst still forging ahead and reaching for my dream and finding some sense of balance with that.
But damn....it can just be tough to work out sometimes.
So its back to the doodling for now, hoping for a clue....
Smoggy LA, waiting for rain. A top the highest point we could find, thinking about Tyler on his birthday. Wishing we were celebrating with him in person rather than in spirit.
I watch as my girl, my love, my sweetheart; finds a place to spread some of his ashes, in a way that is meaningful to her. I can't even fathom the depth of the heart ache and the grief she feels. Its a solitary grief and all I can do is hold her hand and kiss her tears away.
Strange how one can wake up in the morning and the whole country feels anew. The sense of excitement and joy and hope in people is palpable and I for one am doing a happy dance.
Mr Bush is safely putting up his feet on the ranch right now, which is not a lot different to his normal ways over the past 8 years and I, like so many here say, enjoy it and good bye. The canned crowd noise at this mornings inauguration covered the boo's that were heard across the million people that were there. It feels like a new day, with new hope and I am honored to have witnessed it. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Yay for Obama. Protection for Obama. Gratitude for Obama.
This is a photo of my mate KC (from Chicago), Dionne, Me and my friend Kimberley (from San Francisco) outside Universal Studios on Friday. We spent the day on rides and well....drinking beer at a brew pub in between rides honestly. At one point we went into the horror movie display thingy (after two beers I might add, which is a lot for me), turns out it was actually like a house of horrors where people dressed up in zombie/dead people kinda outfits jump out at you as you are walking through.
I gotta tell you....
I laughed so hard my tummy hurt afterward. KC and Kimberley were the reason for my laughter as they both pretty much pee'ed their pants walking through it from screaming so hard. At one point Kimberley turns around and yells at one of the scare-ees and tells him to stop it....one of the universal attendants looks at her and says plainly, 'ma'am, it's his job'. The funny thing is that none of the jumping out kinda people came after Dionne or I because we just casually walked through it, laughing our asses off at KC and Kimbo screaming behind us as EVERY scarey person jumped out at them. (Actually, at one point I beat the dude to it and ran screaming at him before he could do it to me). I know there's some deep and meaningful thing in there about fear etc..but for right now, I am just gonna hold my tummy a little more and laugh at that image.
What fun it was.
Oh, and today if you watch the Ellen show, look for us on the right hand side of the audience...I am the one waving my arms in the air trying to get the camera's attention. I know...that's a bit of a shocker isn't it?
So, the birthday celebrations are almost done. We just dropped KC off at the airport and are on our way to the other airport to drop Kimberley off. Twas a weekend of great fun, big belly laughs and a tremendous amount of amazing food prepared by loving hands. I feel so wonderfully fortunate to have the mates I do.
Now, I need to go home and have a nap and exercise some. Thanks for the birthday wishes mates, very much appreciated all the way around. What a journey this life is......
Xxm
Ps thanks to Kelli from chilly illinois who sent me this great photo!! Love it mate!!
We are at point dume and its an amazing day. I am a beach snob at the best of times and LA beaches don't impress me but down here, off Malibu, its beautiful. I would always come here (not if busselton or duns was my first choice but....).
Anyway, the dolphins turned out to play for my bday. I felt very honored as I sat here with my mates. Relaxed and laughing, taking the beauty of the moment in. The air smells awesome, the sun is comfortable, the friends are true.
We just left the Ellen show where the surprise guest was George Clooney!! Seems Ellen has been trying for over a year to get him on the show, and today was the day!!!
It was a lot of fun, albeit a little chilly....which I know is nothing compared to some of the chilly some of you are experiencing....but I send you fire, to bring you warmth!!
Dinner at houstons is up now....their ribs are insanely good!!!
Xxm
Ps....the show airs Monday!! Look for us up in the left hand corner!!!
My friend, and regular blog commentor, KC is flying in tonight from Chicago. I am not sure she is going to know what hit her when she gets here....it's been in the 80's all week and will continue to be that warm the whole time she is here. I wonder if she will want to go home...I know I sure as hell wouldn't. Anyway, she had to go thru Denver to get here though and is coming in late. I just realized I haven't driven to LAX by myself before....thank goodness for tom tom tom.
Anyway, its my birthday Friday and KC and my mate Kimberley are flying in for the weekend. Once again, I had a moment where I thought on where I was this time last year and aside from the fun dinner I had with mates at LeeLee's house...I am glad to be here, in this place, a year away from the situation I was in then....so glad. Eeck. I literally shudder to think of it all now.
So, we have tickets to the Ellen show tomorrow and tickets to Universal Studios and a fantastic dinner with 12 of my closest mates here. I am excited for the weekend to start...to be here...to have all that yummy energy swirling around.
In other news, Ricardo Montalban passed away today. He was Mr Roake on fantasy island....use to love that show (hence the above subject line).
Anyway, 11.15PM so far, let's hope LA traffic is done by then....lol.
The view from here.... Originally uploaded by martine.lockeI am standing beneath the orange tree in our backyard. Its heavy and full of oranges that I am picking to squeeze because I feel like fresh orange juice.
The sky is blue and the temperature read 87 on my bike as I rode through the streets, the soft warm air in my face.
My home, our home, awaiting me. A place filled with love, laughter, wonder and creativity.
We spent the day in the studio again today. Trying out different sounds and learning. This is the first time I have wanted to learn the 'other side' of recording as well and D and I are surely on a learning curve together. Appreciate the song requests....I do find it interesting that everyone so far has requested songs that are already acoustic...just me and my guitar kinda songs. Which tells me the acoustic CD is over due. So, thanks for your patience.
Now, we are headed to the favorite Mexican restaurant, viva fresh, for margaritas....oh, and possibly a little food.
Yes, you see the strangest things while stuck in boring traffic on a Saturday night in LA.....flying turtles!!! I just tried to spell that word and my phone tried to spell it 'tieyle' what the fuck is a 'yietle'....oh dear.
We spent the day in the studio today...laying down a brand new song that I think you are going to love. Have been getting suggestions from people about what songs I should record on this CD (if you haven't signed up to my mailing list, do so now to be included in that conversation).
I just went to see the movie 'Milk', which is the story of gay rights activist Harvey Milk who, along with the then mayor of San Francisco, was gunned down in City Hall in 1978. I had known who Harvey Milk was because of living in San Francisco but had never really gotten to know his story and journey very well.
Let me say, if you haven't seen this movie, go. It's an amazing, inspiring movie that also left me thinking. I sat and cried a few times throughout the movie, not just because his story and his path to that day in 1978 moved me to tears, but well, for many reasons.
One was understanding just a little more how I get to stand on the shoulders of those gone before me. I haven't had the shit beaten out of me in a riot, or been arrested for my sexuality in a bar or on the street or minding my own business, or had my family hate me because of my life. I have been shunned by a community of people, I believed were my friends and family, in the name of religion. I have hidden my choice and my life because of fear. But I have marched and been proudly out now for a number of years. I have that luxury because of the passion and the zealousness that people like Harvey Milk had. He lost everything, including his life, because he believed in the equality of gay people so much. He was willing to lay it all down to see that realized.
I cried because of proposition 8 and the fact that it passed here in California 30 years after the death and achievements of Harvey Milk and his crew. It astounded me because 30 years later, people here STILL haven't learned. Bigots, religious zealots, prejudice and hatred STILL have so much power in law AND religion is STILL interfering in the lives of people who don't welcome it, don't believe it and have never asked for it.
I am not a citizen here but believe me, proposition 8 effects me in so many ways...as it does ALL of us, regardless of where we live...and even if it didn't...I would like to think that I would still be outraged by it's passing because of the unconstitutional, disrespectful, downright nastiness of the proposition in the first place.
Anita Bryant was one of the religious people who went on a campaign to prevent gay equality in the 70's. As Harvey Milk became a spokesperson for gay rights, Anita Bryant became the spokesperson for the Christian fundamentalists in this country who saw homosexuality as being an abomination, against God's law and the natural order of things. The fact that she could lead such a campaign whilst speaking of God's love never ceases to amaze me. That somehow one has given right to the other.
As part of her crusade she made statements of belief such as: "If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters." You know...I would be doubly fucked....I am gay AND I bite my nails. I found it interesting to read that after her world began to collapse...her failed marriage (she was shunned by believers of her own religion because of this), her loss of income and career (she was/is a singer), her failed businesses and bankruptcy...that she started to apologize for the anti gay things she had said & done and her new attitude towards life became 'live and let live'. I wonder if Jerry Falwell and her are still mates.
I had a moment today were I wondered really, how many kids committed suicide because of the statements she made..that parents trusted and believed and communities upheld as truth and went on witch hunts baring placards pronouncing to the world.
'The fact is that more people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, THAT my friends, is true perversion.'
Beautiful 72 degree day today in sunny Burbank....the sky was an amazing shade of blue. I love how I forget I actually live in LA...I always said I would never want to live here, but living in Burbank is actually far enough away from it all and still green and pretty..and you can still smell the grass.
It's my birthday next week and my mates Kathleen and Kimberley are flying in from Chicago and San Francisco respectively. We have tickets to go watch the taping of the Ellen show on Thursday, spending the day at Universal Studios on Friday and then doing dinner with a crew of mates on Saturday...you know, the type of dinner where you all pitch in and make it happen together. Love that stuff.
So, a few folks have queried on my lack of blogging lately...it's mostly because there is some problem between T Mobile and Blogger and they have stopped talking to each other. I use to be able to update my blogs from my phone and send them real time...now, not so easy. Still trying to come up with a solution while the phone company and blogger work it out.
People leave the strangest things out on the street...hoping that other people will claim them. I am certain (from past experience) that part of the reason is because they are hoping they don't have to take care of it any further than putting it out on the street, and then because they are hoping to recycle the item rather than throw it away.
I have had a lot of practice putting items on the street in San Francisco and literally within minutes (sometimes just as I am turning my back away from it), someone had claimed it. So, we tried an experiment the other week here in suburban Glendale.....we had this huge clunky tv that weighed a tonne and no idea really what to do with it but knew we wanted to get rid of it right away (to make room for our shiny new tv..and because it SO wouldn't fit in our weeny apartment). We carried it out onto the sidewalk and put a note on it that said - 'working and free'. Went out for less than 20 minutes..came home..the thing was gone. I was rather happy about it all...both from a recycling and a lazy ass point of view.
When we were out on a walk today I noticed this beautiful piece of art sitting out there...and truely, if I could make it permanent and slap a sign on it, I would call it art. It's one of those Thai bird cages (that are actually mean't to be really bad for birds coz they eat the wood and it makes them sick...but I digress). I had some great thought process as I was looking at it...on one side the door is slammed shut and on the other the door is knocked down. I had this mini fantasy of birds staging a raid to save their mate from impending sickness...and then of course I looked for the similarities in this image to my world.
Mostly, because I was already thinking about it, I realised the symbolism for me lay in the idea that we can choose to live in a cage with the doors locked tight, or we can choose to knock them all down and live the lives we want and dream of.
It's ALL about choice.
Me and my girl are talking a lot about what we want our life and our lives to look like. How we can work together and inspire each other to live the creative full lives that we both want and desire..how we can do that together. There is risk involved in it for both of us and mostly its in the form of those nasty 'you are going to fail' voices that play in our heads....I get so tired of them. They are nasty, unwelcome little buggers.
I know at the end of the day, its our choice...doors open or doors locked?
After 9 years of coming to LA, today, I FINALLY went to the Getty Museum.
AND IT WAS FUCKING FREEZING...seriously.
No cold days for weeks and bang...today is cold. And fogged in. The Getty has amazing views, and none of them were to be seen today because of the fog. But the cold...damn.
Well.....
I know. I know. I shouldn't be complaining.
I keep hearing about the cold that some of you are putting up with and I swear, I know I got it good over this way. The fact that it's the middle of winter here and New Years day I sat by the pool and read magazines until I got too hot.
I know, I get it.
But I think I have become a wuss bag with weather. Or, I just need to buy some warmer clothes. I wonder if I just refuse to buy them because I refuse to exist in cold weather...that might be it.
Anyway, the Getty was still beautiful even though we had to line up EVERYWHERE....might have been a bad time of year, or time of the week to go. The parking, the tram, the toilet, the coffee..and almost some of the more famous artwork. All lines. Art museums make me a little sleepy though. I even went to the Louvre in Paris and wanted to have a nap. Not because it was boring, not one bit. Just it's always so dark and warm and quiet in those places, it makes me kinda take it all down a notch and get all sleepy and relaxed.
I have had the most beautiful two days. What a great way to start the new year. Woke up with great mates...after a party, amazing food and wine and midnight celebrations...and then playing Rock Band till 4.30am. But more than anything, the past two days have just held lots of beauty....and I think a PERFECT way to set the tone for the next year...and many years I hope.
Here's to beauty my friends...and standing outside the Getty, freezing my ass off
