Sweetness.....

I knicked this photo from my girl when she came home for dinner tonight. Only three more sleeps btw, until she finishes her job and jumps onboard this magical mystery tour full time with me. She has such a great eye for photos and I am so proud of every shot she takes.

Can you tell we are having a big old love fest over this way right now?

It's true...we are gushing.

We were working at home today on a bazillion different things at once. I haven't been sleeping very well this week, so much creative energy flowing through my brain and the lack of sleep has left me in a funk throughout the day and slow to do things, it seems. So we were both bouncing all over the place moving from one thing to another when I noticed a shift in the room. Just a slight energy shift that no one else would have noticed. I turned to look at my love and jokingly said 'what?'....she wasn't facing me and didn't answer so I jumped up like a puppy dog and said 'what?' again. She turned towards me, handed me her phone and asked me to help her erase something. I looked down at it before I looked at her and realized it was Tyler's phone number (her little brother who passed away in November). I looked at her face and saw the tears streaming down it and just fell towards her and held her tightly in my arms. Knowing what a big moment this was, knowing that it was healthy and part of the healing process but also knowing that it wasn't something to do lightly.

As I held her and felt her tears I asked her if she was sure and she said yes.

And I erased it.

Even as I did there was a part of me that wanted to call the number, just to make sure.

Grief has so many different steps, so many different paths and faces, it can feel as close to every moment as a breath from our lips.

In that moment, when she looked up into my eyes, here sat the woman who just yesterday I took another step towards as we signed and mailed our domestic partnership papers. I fell more in love with her, felt more proud of her and more excited by her and more passionate towards her. I felt more honored by her and more thankful for her and her love of me every day. Finally feeling like we have both found the person that fulfills so many things, that inspires so many things, that creates so many things, that helps heal and kicks into gear so many things.

As I breathed into her arms and felt my own grief around erasing Tyler's number from her phone I also felt him closer to me than ever before. Felt that he loved that his sister was happy and had only 3 more sleeps left till she embarked on the next part of her life. Something that she has wanted to do her entire life was finally coming about and in my mind, I saw him smile.

xxM