my karma...

I think you may be my Karma.

For every bad word I have ever said, for every unkind deed I have ever done. I think you may be the event that will cause me to beg forgiveness of everyone I have ever wronged. For every heart I have broken. I think you may be the memory that will come to my mind whenever I feel that I want to slight someone, whenever I forget to choose compassion, whenever I want to act out of my ego instead of out of love or respect for some one else and their heart.

I think this because my brain has no other way of understanding it. Of putting this down. Of understanding the reasons for it all. And I think I put all this here to mark this time for myself. In my quest to be exposed, to shine a light on my shit so that I will remember and so that we may feel less alone in our journeys. Remember past the bloody pulp of my heart.

I don't want to forget this because I want it to help me to remember to choose compassion, to choose love, to choose honesty. To choose these things first, knowing that it is a reflection of my greater being, of the self I want to be in this world.

To remember that this is who I choose to be.

So, I have held you in my arms, I have given you my heart, my body, my spirit. I have shared my wisdom and the story of who I am. I have wiped tears from your eyes and caused you to laugh outloud. I have brought you joy, I have inspired you, I have given you pleasure. I have made you feel alive. I have wanted you. I have broken your heart. I have chosen to believe in the best of you. I had chosen to stand before you openly and honestly with no remnant of my past to hold me down and away from you.

I have chosen to love you.

And now I lay it all down.