Power....

I think that I am going to push into reading and being a part of the online thing that Oprah is doing with Eckhart Tolle on his new book 'A New Earth'. I think I need to do it. I am waiting for the book to come but know it's all about changing your consciousness, about taking yourself out of ego and into a sense of connectedness with the world. I know, it sounds a little fru fru when I say it like that, but I get the idea...it's all about ego and power and the journey we go on when we live too much in at least one of those areas.

Because I am realizing how much of my power I give away. If you were to open my journal right now you would see a page with the words I TAKE BACK MY POWER in huge letters.

I am a pretty easy going person by nature, generally happy to 'go with the flow'...but I am starting to realize that it's not always a good thing to be. That I end up doing and being in situations that I don't really want to be in and unsure of how to get out of it. I also think the universe is putting me into situations where I am just not happy to go with the flow anymore and therefore it's forcing me to ask why and what.

Why am I here and what do I have to do to change it.

Although, I said to someone today that I feel like a little kid who has just had her toy taken away from her....sitting on the floor, kicking and screaming. Because it's not an easy lesson to learn. It's scarey and strange and uncomfortable, and every day I have to remind myself to breath, to pat the small child inside me and tell her that she is safe and that I am not going to put her in situations that are going to harm her...and then I have to be prepared to just walk away. To know that I will find a love, or a place, that is right for me. On the other hand, I have to keep myself 'there' until I know it's the wrong place to be and not just run away from it because it's easier than staying to work it out. Does that make sense?

Lets see what songs come out through all of this huh? I feel a songwriting burst about to happen, the build up in my bones. It's sitting on the edge of my tongue, waiting for me to carve the time out of my life and heartache to let it fall. This cd isn't even out yet and I know I will need to honor the songs on it before I can fully break out the ones to come.

xxM