Okay...

So, how much would you hate your life if this was it? The Ed Debevicks solid gold dancers.....and Wendy, up there in the back doing her greatest hits YMCA dance.
Xxm

Only

One of us is green....What do you get when you put a pile of musos with camera phones together? Waaaay too many photos....

And so

(and then this photo that I stole from Wendy's blog...because she was breathing on my booby)

It begins....

The first annual mid west tennis invitational....

Xxm

The evening....

Moves along nicely....

Me, Lyndell and Trina......snuggled up for the night.

Xxm

check out lyndell at www.lyndellmontgomery.com and Trina at www.trinahamlin.com

Me and the T

Post tequila, pre show.....

The magical mystery bus

Da girls are in town and we are hitting said town to find Lyndell! I am so happy to see their faces!

Xxm

The pretty

My hands are about to fall off, they are so cold, but look at the pretty.......things are blooming, its very exciting to witness new life. I know how it feels.....

Xxm

New things..

So, its all about 'new' over this way. I am sitting here working on my new website, which will hopefully be up this week (I would cross my fingers if I could move them off the keyboard).

I just got word that a new cd review will be up on the 'after ellen' website (will let you know when after I have read it).

And....it was snowing a little bit here before....although that part isn't new, infact, I can't believe I am saying it already...but that is getting rather old. Lol.

In other news, its mates central over this way this week. I have the delightful Ms Trina Hamlin and the non ho, tour ho, Wendy coming to stay for the week and we will institute the first annual Midwest tennis championship. THEN, tomorrow the beautiful Lyndell Montgomery is in town playing with Chris Pureka and we all get together for an evening of music and frivolity. Sure many photos will be forth coming.

Somewhere in between all that, I get ready to head out on the road on Friday to begin to launch the new baby in some kind of official capacity. About time says me.

Will be hitting Indiana with a flurry of activity this weekend that will indeed include a night of drinking sambuca and eating great greek food. Been planning this night for over 6 months!!

And then....CA, here I come!!

Xxm

So I laughed hard when I saw this and had to ask everyone what it actually was (part of the shoulder of a cow...not the butt, go figure) and then had to come back for a photo. Damn there are some funny signs around this country.

Sending it back to perth, to 'you know who'.

Xxm

a work in progress

it was midnight
before she knew it
and stretched out
in full beautiful
view
she held her breath
and looked upon her
as only a lover can do

she carefully held her heart
her pained worried heart
but then laid it down
in full beautiful
view
all she ever needed
is all she ever wanted
and all she ever wanted
is all she ever knew

Maverick....

House concert at Tina & Lynne house and this is my new mate, Maverick. Isn't she a cutie?

She is a fuckin awesome poet and if you are at my show on Thursday night in Chicago, she is going to get up and do a poem!

Xxm

Slow....no wake

It's storming up here in Lake Geneva and I just got done walking around part of the lake before this HUGE fucking thunder storm started and we had to run back to the hotel in the pouring rain, thunder overhead, lightening...the works!!. It was a lot of fun in a 'crazy, aussie' kinda way and we were wet through by the time we got back.

But right before that happened, I was reading this email from a mate as I walked and she was telling me about her finale in the story of someone who had hurt her deeply and seemed to be fairly unconscious about it along the way, and it tapped into something in me and for a moment I started to get angry for both of us when I looked up and saw this on the side of the lake.

'Slow...no wake'

And I laughed outloud. Because I knew it was a gift from the universe. I think getting in touch with anger around a situation is really really valuable, in so far as it doesn't dictate the way you continue to be in the world. But I also think the ability to laugh at it is also really important.

I know that there are people in this world that can come up with all the psycho babble, new age speak in the world to convince themselves of the right or the absolution to do things that continue to hurt people. That somehow by speaking those few words, they are absolved or it seems that it relinquishes them from the ramifications or the responsibility for their continued actions in this world, people who know the speak but their actions don't match (we all know these people, right?).

Then I found my anger turned to compassion, because I know that its only thru grace and the ability to have compassion that saves me from having the same sense of 'right' in this world. I know that its only because of my own painful journey, because of my lessons, and because of the people around me who love me and can whisper loving direction into my ears, people that I honor and respect to speak truth into my life and wake me from my unconscious state, that I am continuing to learn how to not be slow to wake.

And that made me unbelievably grateful.....in a dripping wet, laughing through the anger kinda way...

Xxm

Lake Geneva

Prime viewing of said lake from the balcony of the hotel....kinda reminds me of Sydney a little.

And yes, now it starts to rain!

Xxm

Can you say.....

ROAD TRIP!! This sign says 'welcome to wisconsin'....but hard to see because I almost missed it. I didn't even know I was going to Wisconsin (until I just saw that sign)! Doah.

My friend Kathleen scooped me and my almost healed tummy up and we are driving to Lake Geneva for a bike ride thingy for LLS - team in training, that she is in tomorrow. I figured a change of scenery is never bad and damn, if it aint an excuse for a new adventure! I get to sit by the lake and hand bottles of water to hopefully hot looking bike riders.

Damn.....what a job huh?

But......I am wondering if she has noticed the dark clouds and the raging wind outside right now. Hmm...maybe I shouldn't mention it!?!

Lol....

Xxm

Morning blues?

What are your cures for the morning blues? I wonder how you get thru them? Tell me all, oh wise ones....

Xxm

Ahh...to cleanse or not to cleanse

I am as sick as a dog today, as I was yesterday, and I don't do very well sick. It's tough for me to just stop and do nothing while my body heals, while it gets rid of the stuff it needs too. I can't walk, I can't run, I can't ride....I have to sit here, with me. Sick. I think the universe is teaching me, again, about just sitting in the moment....there is not a damn thing I can do about it, other than to let it take its course..and that's the story of my world right now. This started off as a cleanse..you know, one of those 'lets aim to get all the stuff out all at once' things (I don't do anything by halves you know) and bloody hell, if my body didn't pick up the baton and run with it. After not eating for three days and then not being able to eat because of being unwell, I only have energy to sleep...if that makes sense. (sorry, is this tmi?...lol, who am kidding, what part of this blog HASNT been TMI?).

Actually, thinking on that....it's funny, for every moment I get a comment from someone about putting too much of myself out here on this blog, I get 10 from people who say thank you. That they are going through similar things and it has helped them not feel alone or that they have needed to hear some of the quotes or books that have helped me along the way. To me, this is just like a song, if you listen to my songs you hear snippets of events or thoughts that have been part of my journey, that are part of my heart, of my life (and if you play them backwards you hear the names of the people who have 'helped' inspire them...lol). So thank you to all.....and yes, I have a number of people around me encouraging me to work out how to put this into a book.

It's an idea that's brewing...along with my stomach.

So...back to my gatorade...and Ellen (who has a VERY hot looking David Beckham on).

xxm

My friend Mayra just passed this quote along to me. It was a pretty powerful thing for me to read, infact if I had room left on my arm.....

i beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. 

don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything.

live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

(rainer maria rilke)

Ahh

From the mouth of babes to our very eyes....

Dated April 6th

the wind is on my face
as I sit
in this place
and wait

not knowing what to expect
i try
to expect
nothing

betrayed by my body
my bunny heart beats
mouth dry, hands shake
and gives myself away

i hold myself
in this space
and repeat
after me

i am loved
i have love
i will love
and be loved

again

Me and my shadow

Its a hazy day back here in Chicago land and sometimes I am struck by the height of my own shadow (and the bigness of my hair). I tend to walk a lot these days and often find myself wondering what it would be like to be 'that' tall and I try on the whole 'standing 6 foot tall on the inside thing', just to see how it feels.

I was talking online last night to my sister, who still isn't sure about the status of her cancer find, we were talking about the fact that we have both undergone huge life and love changes in the last 6 months and how parts of that has just SUCKED big time and how confusing people and all their fucked up ways can be. And she said something to me that my family and close friends around me have said to me all my life. She said 'you're strong, one of the strongest people I know, and you can get thru anything. I never worry about you in that way.'

I realized that sometimes, I don't feel strong. I don't feel like I am going to pull through something. I don't know how or when or if something is going to happen when I need it to. Sometimes I can barely move or breathe from fear or worry or hurt. Sometimes my faith in my path and my choices wavers and I get scared. Sometimes my heart hurts so fucking bad that I just want to curl up and sleep and cry for days. Sometimes I have no faith at all. Sometimes I don't trust...life, people or me. Sometimes I just want someone to pat my forehead and tell me its going to be okay. Sometimes I want someone else to tell me what to do....where to find shows this month, how to ask for what I need financially, tell me what car I should buy, apply for my green card for me so I can supplement with other work, tell me how not to be heart broken anymore. And sometimes, I am just not sure if I can do it anymore.

And then, it passes.

I move again. I sing, I play guitar. I remember my creative. I feel connected to my spirit and to the world and to you. I write. I start applying for festivals and gigs and sending my cd out to radio and magazines again. I exercise. I find people who make me laugh and who bring light and love to my heart and me to there's. I volunteer. I practise. I reach out and tell someone that I love them, that I am here for them. I listen to their story intently, asking questions sometimes and not others. I cry for them, instead of just myself. I sit in nature and just listen. I open myself up to thought of falling in love again and I approach each new person I meet with honesty and with me, in all my glory. I try not to judge as much (me or anything else). I turn good music up really loud and dance. I try to meditate. I read a good book about someone else's journey. I make some good food for my friends and for me and we eat together. I organise fun get togethers for my mates and I reach out just a little more. I shower. I smile. I say thank you to no one in particular. And I literally take the huge foot out of my own ass and put it on the end of my leg again.

And then eventually I find myself breathing easier and I find myself excited about my journey again, and grateful, I find myself unbelievably grateful. I find myself laughing the way I use to. I find my heart is more compassionate, my senses more awake. I realize I am conscious and aware and reporting for duty at each new turn and then, occasionally, I even feel proud of myself.

And then the next moment....well, who knows what will happen, but it will surely be different to the last one.

Then, I look at my shadow, and smile.....because I know I really am that tall inside.

Xxm

Oh ps....my reference in the Helen Keller quote to her being 'dumb', to clarify, that's the british/australian term for 'mute', not stupid!!

From the car window

I'm not kidding, isn't that amazing?

Helen Keller said, 'life is either a great adventure, or nothing.'

And as my mate Deb says, this is coming from a woman who was dead, dumb and blind.

Damn, when you put it like that, we got no fucking excuse really hey?

I LOVE mornings.....(reframing)

Xxm

The view from here

So, the long trip back to Chicago starts. 1 hour down, 12 more to go. We have bags of snacks courtesy of Julia and enough apple sauce to keep us for months. My heart feels a little like this photo. Damn I hate mornings sometimes, might be the lack of coffee in my body or the fact that we are listening to the pope consecrate the world trade center on the radio. damn.

I had a belly laughing conversation with my mates Trina Hamlin and Wendy the tour ho yesterday and it made me want to hop a plane and go on the road with them again, they are good peeps.

Okay, back to the grey-ness of the day.

Xxm

If i

Had a kid, this would be he.

Meet Jackson.....

After dinner....

After Passover walk....I have eaten more food in the last four hours than I have in months....all in the name of celebrating. Hell, what a good reason....

I came outside to walk and this is the moon that met me. The same moon that you will all see in your part of the world and I wonder what it would be like to stand with you, in your part of the world, and look at it.

Its is indeed a beatius thing to behold.

Nite from CT mates....and happy Passover to you.

Xxm

Me of the wanna be Jews

I think its a good look, no?

Here in lies the magic....

The 15th hole

Here I sit, at the 15th hole of the southbury golf course. Lest you think that I actually play, this has been my morning ritual whilst in CT. Walking around the course, sitting in nature along the way. Listening to the birds, trying to keep myself present....marveling at their tunes.

Eckhart Tolle talks about acknowledging your feelings and emotions when they happen. Whatever and how painful they are. Not to ignore them, or wish you could feel something else but just call them by their name, feel them and then watch them dissipate.

I don't like him very much today.

Xxm

Who is getting ready for Passover....which I think for a non Jew means showering and getting dressed.

Photo 5 billion

And another NYC moment that needs to be shared.

A random huge fuckin drum circle in the middle of the meat district. Alive and energetic and literally stopped traffic along the way. Now, if only I can work out how to get sound up here so you can hear it.

Imagine that deep rhythmic pounding in your chest where you just want to throw your head back and be lost completely in that one moment. Where you have no other option other than to let your body move and your heart just go with it all.

This is how I choose my life to be.

Xxm
The last post for the day, unless.....

The whitehorse

So, this is where famed poet, Dylan Thomas died of alcohol poisoning on the steps of the whitehorse tavern on the Hudson. It feels very.....hmm, how should I say, poetic?

These people here make up a crew of people who are musicians, artists and EPA workers who were a big part of the clean up here for 911. Sitting here listening to the stories of 'so and so saved my life because'.....makes me feel very humbled and honored to be in their presence.

There is but a song waiting to happen....but for now, it might be another cold beer.

Xxm

Here tis

The tattoo, in all its glory!

Only in NYC

Can you walk casually down the street, eating a hot dog, checking out artists doing their thing, selling their wares, a little bit of shopping here and there and then get serenaded while you do it.

Its a beautiful 78 degrees (so I am told) and its days like these that make me realize what a fortunate life I lead.

Now off to the pub to meet mates, anyone wanna come join?

Xxm

Ps.....so I heard this morn that my mates in Indy had a bit of an earthquake, I laughed my ass off until I realized it was true!! Hope all the bits are safe down there and see you soon!

Hmm

I am not sure if this is a sign or a misguided attempt at advertising...

Can someone say 'the pope is in town'?

When in NYC

You, of course, get tattoo'ed by the sweet Betty Rose of Red Rocket Tattoo.

this, too, will pass

Are the words that I choose to remember by getting them marked onto my body. Knowing that it is a thought that I will need to remember the rest of my life.

The bandage is on and I will take a photo again once i can take it off to show you how pretty it is.

Now, the Aussie is loose in NYC.

Xxm

My Jewish Mumma

As opposed to my indy mummas, or my NC mumma, or my actual REAL mumma.....this is Julia, my Jewish CT mumma. She makes chicken soup that heals you and eggs for big days in NYC.

A slow start out here but you know, what is life if not good chats around coffee, walks thru golf courses dodging wayward balls and yummy home cooking?

But NYC....here we come! (tink, what photo do you want?)

Xxm

I AM IN LOVE

addendum to da post....so Jem - I knew when I put this photo that Megsie might have a bit of trouble seeing me with a similar dog from a different mother. Please tell her that she is my only Perth fur wife.....I only have eyes for her...when there. Ahhm. Dog hussy that I am.....

Lunch?

So, the challenge of the moment is to walk the whole way around the Stu Leonards grocery store and see if we can eat a whole meal completely for free.

So far, I have had fresh pomegranite juice, beef burgers, yummy sugar snap peas, maple bbq salmon steaks, turkey breast, rice cakes and beans. And that is just on the first run through!!

I love America! All this free shit!!
I could eat here every day and hit all food groups and still be healthy!!

Xxm

Our track mates!

So, here we are hiking and we are doing a big old loop and this is the second time we have met these sweet people (whose names we never got) on our path, and everytime we see each other, we take a photo.

So here's mine...

Southbury falls

The order of the afternoon was to get lost somewhere and we have done that here in southbury falls national park.

We hike because we can....

Sunshine....

On my shoulders....makes me happy.......

They tell me spring is coming and as I sit here in the middle of wherever I am in CT, I can HEAR it! There are a huge number of birds singing out here and as I take my 'morning, pound it all out until it isn't there' walk, I keep finding myself laughing at their sounds.

Right now, I am praying that I don't get lost....lol.....Aussie last seen in wilderness in Somewhere CT. Can see it now.

Xxm

Ps....someone asked on a comment why it is I want to relive a painful moment by writing about it? Short answer.....because I am a writer, its what I do. Everytime I sing a song, it relives a moment, whether painful or pleasant or anything in between. And, I am not scared of having or expressing any of those moments. They are all valid, part of my journey, and yes, part of my growth as a human bean, and I honor them all.

Back to da birds....

Bellefonte, PA

The Gamble Hill restaurant...totally cute little town in the middle of here.

My friend Kimberley is flying the imaginary private plane in for dinner with us tonight. Anyone else wanna come join, sure we could organise? Its cute.....its tasty.....its PA for Christs sake.

And hello Tink! Bout time you joined us here. I will whisper sweet nothings just for you my friend!

Xxm

Okay

So, you are close, but actually....this is a road trip to Connecticut first. NYC on Friday for a new tattoo and then me of the non Jews gets to celebrate passover in New Jersey on Saturday.

Its beautiful out here, its actually green and sunny and warm and does wonders for my being. The dudes in El Frida are being slackasses about a bit of a nanby panby drive to come meet the Aussie (you know who you are and probably not what I am talking about). And what a great bloody way to see more of the country.

My stars and my extremely 'spot on' physic reading yesterday tells me that love and hotness is in the air and I have a few moments of sweetness to experience all of those things over this weekend.

My heart is free, it feels like a perth spring day and a bazillion experiences await.

This is a most fortunate life today....lol!

Xxm

Another hint...

400 miles to go....

Between IN & OH

i raise an unholy finger
in the direction of you
and whisper gently
adieu, adieu, adieu

the ripping sound you hear?
oh, it's just my heart
my crazy lovelorn heart
being torn
apart

but at last your words
they speak your truth
at last your very words
carried the words

'I knew'

Can you say

ROAD TRIP?
Guess where we are headed? Correct answer wins a 'road' prize.....

My big sis....

I found out this morn that my big sister Alison had a lump removed from her arm...which is not so abnormal, she has had a few removed...turns out this one is cancerious though and while they are hoping they got it all, they aren't sure yet.

Any...and all thoughts welcomed.

Sure puts life and drama in perspective....

xx M

Pea soup?

Sometimes the pea soup that is our process and our brains gets so cloudy that its hard to remember what is and isn't true. That we can instantly go to a place of self fladulation where we make ourselves out to be the most horrible person in the world who has committed great injustices to the world around us. Its so fucking easy to go there and take on the weight of blame for everyone in any given situation.

I used the word 'shame' today and just realised that it was a left over word from my days involved in the church where human-ness and mistakes aren't allowed.

Where one takes the fall for the many.

And I realised how I am not Jesus Christ and that I needed to heal my person of that word, to acknowledge the background of it and see that it has no hold on me or my person, that I have nothing to be ashamed of. That I really have done the best that I can, given the information that I have in any given situation.

And in the middle of all of that, to hear the voice of someone who knows your heart and your story intimately can help 'reset' the button. To remind you of not only the good and the beauty inside your person and the good and beauty behind your intentions but also the beauty of being and falling in love and the beauty of being fully present and honest and available and exposed. And to remind you of the need to let things go, to take only what's yours, to say sorry and to be done with it. More importantly, to hear my own quiet voice getting louder as it reminds me of all of this, is indeed valuable.

And I feel my soul and person grow a little stronger and my heart remain soft and open to the world and to the experiences of it.

And I know that this is good.

Xxm

addendum.....this is my new daily, hourly, momently OM for myself....take it if it will help you.

I, ________, commit to creating a magnificent life, measured by my own chosen standards.

Say it several times, savoring the feeling of genuine commitment.

True Aussie

So, any Australian (who is a good ambassador for their culture) knows that the moment there is ANY sun to speak of, that one chucks the blunnies on and heads outside for a bbq.....isn't that right girls?

Of course, no bbq is complete without the customary beer and chops cooking. It will be much nicer when I don't have to wear my windcheater (sweater) and can chuck some thongs (flip flops) on and have a pile of mates around (friends). But for now....I will take my fru fru beer, my blunnies and the quick moment of sun.

Xxm

Ps....Wendy & Trina, the competition is on, my soon to be tennis aces against yours? The inaugural Midwest cook/tennis off?

To

good friends who make you laugh, good music that makes you cry and tap your toes and feel not so alone, and to this life....this crazy fucking life

here is what we celebrate together.

Discuss?

with two hands
i try to coax you from my heart
like a mother to her child
cooing gently in her ear

let go love
for now is the time
you have done what you can
you can do no more

and with a breath
one finger
two fingers
three fingers....hold

(but all shiny and bright
i beamed
- it wasn't enough
all shiny and bright
i beamed
- it fell cold)

and with a breath

i sighed...

and waited for another day

This

Is something a lone musician, in the middle of who the fuck knows, wants to see.....EVER!!!

Over 10 years of touring and I have never run out of fuel.

I am but a bear of very little brain.

And a cold one at that...its snowing people, I am in the snow.

Xxm

Da gig!

Well, a seriously warm welcome was had here at the red line tap in Chicago. The peeps were out in fine form, they clapped, they cheered and they made this little Aussie happy to be here.

This is me and my fellow stage mate for the night, Ripley Caine. Well...she's there under my hair somewhere...my newly cut hair.

My mate from perth turned up, Ms TJ Dennis (for all the perthies who read) aka Jennitalia from Australia. She is a fuckin riot, lookin for dirty humor? Check her out.

Love abounds

Xxm

I rode 5 miles, until I got to this sign and decided that it was just that, a sign.

So I turned around and will start the trek back, which is never as much fun as getting here. And that reminded me of love, of falling in love and my heart ached and pined and I knew I had to let it do its thing. Not ignore it, or chide it or speak harshly or reach for my phone, but to just let it be.

I pushed my body until it ached, until it woke and until the only moisture falling from it was sweat from my body and not from my eyes.

And I felt the wind on my face and caught moments of blue between the moments of black.......

and I knew
that
I
was
alive.

Xxm