I used the word 'shame' today and just realised that it was a left over word from my days involved in the church where human-ness and mistakes aren't allowed.
Where one takes the fall for the many.
And I realised how I am not Jesus Christ and that I needed to heal my person of that word, to acknowledge the background of it and see that it has no hold on me or my person, that I have nothing to be ashamed of. That I really have done the best that I can, given the information that I have in any given situation.
And in the middle of all of that, to hear the voice of someone who knows your heart and your story intimately can help 'reset' the button. To remind you of not only the good and the beauty inside your person and the good and beauty behind your intentions but also the beauty of being and falling in love and the beauty of being fully present and honest and available and exposed. And to remind you of the need to let things go, to take only what's yours, to say sorry and to be done with it. More importantly, to hear my own quiet voice getting louder as it reminds me of all of this, is indeed valuable.
And I feel my soul and person grow a little stronger and my heart remain soft and open to the world and to the experiences of it.
And I know that this is good.
Xxm
addendum.....this is my new daily, hourly, momently OM for myself....take it if it will help you.
I, ________, commit to creating a magnificent life, measured by my own chosen standards.
Say it several times, savoring the feeling of genuine commitment.
4 comments:
It's interesting how our own thoughts can be our worst enemies. We look for people and circumstances outside ourselves to blame for our own misery when, in fact, each of owns our personal misery no matter how much we don't want to admit it. I think when we wake up and actually see proof of the control we have over how we feel, it's only then that we can reprogram our negative messages of the past and create new, positive internal messages for ourselves that really have a chance to sink in and stay. I think you are on the verge (ha ha) of having your own ah haaaa experience.
"savoring the feeling of genuine commitment".... I feel very short of breathe after those words
'shame' and 'should of/have' be banished..bring on the OM. When my young son wants me to forget something he tells me to just shake my head and it will be gone..
Paint, we are all too much masters of words. Painting can be a quiet conversation with the our wordless selves, the true selves. The self not muddled by the outside world of words, of "rights" and "wrongs," "blacks" and "whites." colors and images flow. Image's meanings change more fluidly then words. You were looking for a healer Sunday morning, but only you can heal yourself everyone else is a journey person. We can only control our behavior, our intentions and how we view the world. When we know ourselves as a whole being and become content with that self is it easiest to love and be loved.
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