love and hate - two different extremes? Or kinda similar?
I am finding myself feeling one, where the other once stood. It's a strange feeling, haven't had it in a long time...many, many, many years infact. But wow, it's alive..and here. I want to move it to indifference but right now it's just hate. Mixed with a few moments of disbelief. And a dash of what the fuck. And I am letting it be for the moment. But I wondered about it....
I fight with myself over it, telling myself I want to be a more evolved person, more gracious towards the world, not give the fucked up person anymore of my energy (oh, a little bit of anger there too)...but then I just realized that I can let myself move through it...knowing that it stems from a really fucked up situation that was severely painful and life changing for me. Where trust was abused and heart lies were told. That what we resist, persists.
I hear people who know better and more than me, telling me to be glad that I 'dodged a bullet', that I 'escaped' when and how I did, to be grateful, that I got 'out of the train wreck alive'...that doesn't quite quell the pain in my gut, but I get the concept.
If I could scratch it and the experience it followed, off my skin, I would...with sand paper, barbed wire even. But then that would just hurt me more...so back to working on indifference, and being grateful I suppose and pondering on this new found feeling, at least for this moment, as I watch it slip away from me, off my skin...and writing it all out.
"Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it." The Snow Queen
xxm
3 comments:
I think one of the levels of grief looks like this too. I know I have had it before. I know you know it, I know it too, that you were fortunate to be removed from that path when you were, that the universe not only did you a favor, but was looking out for you. It's hard to remember that sometimes though eh?. Let it move on through sister, there are greater adventures with wonderful people and if there's one thing I know about you, you will find them.
sending love your way my friend
lw
Years ago, when I was in a similar position as you are in right now, I realized that I wouldn't have hate if love hadn't been there to begin with. In other words, hate wouldn't be as strong as it is if you hadn't had an equally strong, opposite emotion there first. And neither emotion can apply if you don't already know the person. So, yeah, I think they're definitely linked and very similar. To take it to the next level, you can then be thankful for the hate because it means that you have loved.
I believe Time will create the emotion.
When the Love/Hate topic comes up it reminds me of the song.
"Turn Turn Turn" by The Byrds.
I can't say I ever experienced love and hate at the same time. I also believe that the opposite of Love is indifference. When i am indifferent i take no action so it is with feeling that i tend to be pushed to act.
Two of my favorite writers....
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
--Henry David Thoreau
"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
--Mark Twain
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