Its turning magical green out here and as I rode today (another 20 miles....next week I am going to hit the century mark!!).....I realised how grateful I am for the beauty and the wildlife out here. It definately calms and heals my heart.
I am so tired of having moments in my day when I am dropped by sadness or heartache or missing. I ask for it to be gone but know the only way is through it.
Fuckinshitpissbum.
My head knows this, my heart fights it. Or the other way around. All I do know is that I refuse to lose this or cover this with someone or something else. That causes so much fuckin pain (and believe me, as someone who just experienced this first hand, its nasty unfair pain to inflict on another soul). This won't be my legacy or the way I be in the world, that this has to be the end of this chapter, I don't want it coming up again in years time, affecting future relationships or experiences.
So, through it, is how it will be.
My vision is set on the top of the trees, and beyond. I want healthy, I want honest, I want both feet in, I want passionate, I want integrity, I want core....in life and relationships....somedays I feel like I am getting there, and other days I feel fucking miles away from it.
Thank you for the email shout outs mates. For letting me know that my exposing helps your journey somehow, for the encouragement. I really am quite a transparent soul and am not one of those people that has too many secrets. Some folks get shitty about that, but fuckem I say. My theory is that is why there is so much lonliness in this world, we don't expose enough of ourselves to show our truth to one another. Our beautiful, fucked up, magnificent truths.
Sunday afternoon, sunny thoughts...in the middle of one of 'those' moments.
Xxm
2 comments:
Hell yeah! great post. The good thing about being miles away from something is that you have somewhere to go to.... after life allows me to coast for a while... i get hit with a hill or hills to climb.
your determination and vision are awesome..
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