Forgiveness is something I actually really believe in a lot....might harken back to my church days. But we all know people who seem permanently angry, who haven't forgiven so and so for what they did or said however long ago. People who become crippled by their experiences and allow them to dictate how they be in the world. I know its a lifetime of conscious work to not allow experiences to dictate the way we walk towards people, the way we do or don't open up and be vulnerable. I know sometimes its not as easy as saying 'I forgive you' and that's the end of it.
I also know though that starting with those three words does begin a journey of healing, even if you never get to say them directly to the persons face (as I did with my father after he died) or if you think the person involved totally doesn't deserve it.
I heard myself recently tell someone that I would never forgive them. As soon as those words came out of my mouth I wondered who I had become. I know it was in a moment of pain and hurt, a moment of trying to understand, of shock, of disbelief, of seeming devastation. But I also know that's not the way I choose to be in the world. I know that I choose to say 'I forgive you' for myself...for my own journey, for my own heart and my own sense of being in the world... even if I have to say it every few minutes to remind myself that I choose to forgive, until it just is. Because I want to find healing for myself and I definately don't want to perpetuate the hurt that was caused to me.
My friend Deb passed the karma prayer onto me (I will post it up here when I get it back). Its a prayer of forgiveness, of saying sorry for all that's been done in this lifetime and past, a prayer of saying I love you and your divine essence and a prayer of thanks for allowing the opportunity to learn and to express these sentiments. The idea is that you start with saying it to yourself....looking in the mirror, into your own eyes. And then you say it to your parents and then to everyone who has ever hurt you or you have hurt - whether in person or in prayer is up to you.
So, thinking on all this, I sit here and once again choose to speak these words, on my own behalf..
'I forgive'.
Xxm
3 comments:
I agree in order to be open we must forgive. I need some skills on how to purge or expunge the action?
thinking on the fly so hope it doesn't sound too wanky... isn't really anything spectacular or new..just some thoughts I've had,to take or leave...i agree that forgiveness is like a process or a journey...I also agree that it takes alot of wisdom to determine what, if any place the person will have in your life again and forgiveness doesn't mean restoring them to where they were or resuming relationship at all, especially if its not safe to.
In a difficult time once in the past a friend reminded me that when I chose to not forgive, the person still held power over me, the destructive process was still occurring in me.
I clung to that concept everytime I felt overcome, and chose to wrestle hold of those thoughts and replace them with something better. I wanted freedom. I also listened to and sang often to myself, Michelle Shocked's song about forgiveness - the chorus says - 'the more I forgive the more I forget, holding onto the past is my only regret'- for me that did not mean having to develop amnesia, but having gradual freedom from the agonising emotions and thoughts that if left to fester would turn to bitterness and consume. Freedom not to be defined by that persons actions and the whole situation. Freedom to own my part in it all and not repeat the same mistakes. And, remembering that my reactions and feelings were normal as I grieved and reacted to the pain, yeah that helped too.
WOW Meg...WOW!! That's seriously beautiful and powerful...and you are unbelievably correct. To not forgive is to continue to give that person power..and I sure as hell know I am DONE with that....done.
thanks for the amazing insight.
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