A new moment

Someone recently told me that my goal in this life wasn't anything material at the end of a rainbow but that my goal was the journey itself. The experiences, the people, the moments that I get to have along the way that remind me of what 'rich' is in this life.

I feel like I have had some fucking doozies in the past 6 months. Experiences that have made me unbelievably happy and unbelievably sad all in the same breath. I don't understand very many of them right now and folks keep telling me that I will look back on it all and know what the lessons are around it all (part of me wants to say fuck that, right how!).

I also don't fully know what happens next. I know I have choices.....to be jaded or not, to exist and be consummed by grief and anger. Or not. To move on with my life and into the next great adventure. To continue to dwell on the how's and the what's and the why's or realize that sometimes things happen that we just cannot understand. Sometimes those things are far shittier than we feel like we deserve. Sometimes my brain goes over and over it all and wonders what I could have done differently, to bring the outcome I so wanted. And I realize that is futile, that what has been, has been and there aint no changing it now.

I know how this tree feels, I feel stripped back and bare and raw and exposed but....I know I can choose to allow new growth to come. To be grateful that I am alive and that I have love and laughter, a roof over my head and money to pay my bills this month and great damn experiences awaiting me....and, I get to follow my passion...to sing my heart out, travel the world, have great friends and great relationships with great people and feel and love deeply.

And I know that I stand here before you, in all my glory, and that's all I have...and that's okay.

Xxm