Grace...

I was sitting having a big old chat to my good mate Deb, in Arizona, we have 'lay it all out there' chats often. Today we were talking a fair bit about understanding and how some times it really just is impossible to understand events or places or people and how sometimes, its just best to let it all go, without having the whole truth or complete understanding. But that's easier said than done, no?.

After hanging up with her I had a sudden urge to head to Grace Cathedral. Its the most magnificent church in San Francisco all i knew is that it was on top of a hill, so I just kept walking up until I was at the highest point downtown, and there she was, all beautiful and holy and stuff.

Not only does it have some of the most amazing stained glass windows but it has this beautiful labyrinth right in the middle of it. I walked into the labyrinth with all the questions and things I couldn't understand and as I walked around it, I offered them all up to the universe. Asking it to take the maddening thoughts and the wonderings why, to help me truely honor and love myself enough that I would actually want to let go of the things that are doing nothing but harming me and my heart, that don't serve me, or my growth or my highest intention in this world. I argued with myself as I walked around that labyrinth. I argued hard. I tried to tell myself that letting go was the wrong idea. Part of my psychic reading a month ago drew two cards....the death card and the moon card...and the psychic told me it meant that a certain situation in my world was dead and that I was still under the illusion that it was something it wasn't or had never been.....as I walked the labyrinth, I argued against that too.

Until I kinda got tired of it all. Until my spirit and my heart hurt. Until I had nothing left to argue with.

I then stood in the middle of that labyrinth and offered it all up to the universe.

I told it that I was tired of thinking about it all and didn't want it anymore. That I couldn't understand and would probably never understand. That I wanted it gone from me.

Then, I bundled up all the questions, the hurt, the lies, the wants, the desires, the tears, the hopes and the dreams from the last 6 months and I literally bent down and dropped the package in the middle of the labyrinth (sorry to the cleaners, its probably an oozing package).

I turned my back on it and started saying the mantra 'OM NA MAH SHI VA YA' - I honor the divinity that resides in me.

For 40 minutes I walked back through it, listening to my brain argue, trying to talk me into going back and picking it up again, that somehow I needed it or would be scared of it's loss....but I kept walking and saying my mantra....wanting it, begging it...to fall deep deep into my soul, into my cells. Asking for healing and for protection and peace and with each step knowing I was letting go a little more. With each step, I was honoring and protecting myself a little more. And with each step I moving away from the old and opening my heart up for the new. Knowing that what will be, will be a 100x better than what was.

I got to the end of the labyrinth and although I knew I wasn't fully done yet, I was more aware that at least the claws of it were out of me. That my spirit was returning, the my heart was feeling lighter and my mind feeling healthier.

I took a big deep breath, wiped my face, held my child warmly in my own arms....and exhaled, not looking back at the bundle of ooze on the floor in the labyrinth....and then, I walked into the sun.

Xxm